She Wears A Halo
by Jelly Bean Jenna
Summary: What if Andy didn't make it past Toronto city limits when she left for project Dakota, and it wasn't because Sam stopped her from leaving? Nominated for Best Drama in the Rookie Blue Choice Awards 2013.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi again my lovelies!**

**I've had a really crappy week, and this idea just hasn't left my head, so here it is. **

**It's kind of dark, but my mind wouldn't let it go. **

**I might come back and do more to this later, but for now I'm going to mark it complete, but if you enjoyed it, please follow it because there is more to this idea. **

**She wears a Halo. **

She wasn't coming.

He had been waiting for three hours, the door opening and closing behind him, but never to reveal her.

He had asked for one drink so that they could talk, but she wasn't planning on giving it to him.

He really didn't blame her.

The drive out of town made her heart tear up even more than it was, his words channeling themselves from her brain to her heart where they burned.

He had said what she had been waiting to hear, and now she was taking off, slipping under before she had a chance to give him an answer.

Before she had a chance to ask him to wait for her.

She was leaving him hanging.

Nick mirrored her, his mind indecisive to whether or not he was doing the right thing.

The car picked up speed as they took the turnpike that would take them out on to the highway and far away from home.

Before this moment, she would have given anything to escape, but now that it was really here, she was starting to regret it.

All those life changing moments and all those vivid memories sped through her mind until it began giving her chest a physical ache and made her stomach want to revolt its contents.

A million and one memories surged through her mind in a matter of seconds, her heart rate picking up until it felt like it was ready to implode or explode, whichever came first.

Nick sensed her distress and turned to face her, his hand taking hold of one of hers.

"Just breath". He whispered trying to calm her.

"This is wrong". She whimpered out as the floodgates opened and the first tear rolled its way free of her eye.

"We're being stupid". Nick mumbled, to which Andy let out another whimper before it grew into a sob.

"Stop the car". She managed to sound out forcefully.

The driver looked at Nick in the rear view mirror to see him nod, so he tapped the breaks and put on his indicator, signaling that he wanted to change lanes.

He eventually made it over to the shoulder of the road where he pulled over, Andy jumping out the car the second the wheels stopped their forwards motion.

She was pacing alongside the car, her breaths coming out in ragged grasps until she bent over and put her hands on her knees, inhaling long, wistful breaths as she tried to calm herself.

Nick was behind her, his hand rubbing up and down her back to sooth her, he could relate, he knew how this was killing her.

"I can't do this". She stammered as she stood up and spun around to face him, her cheeks marred with tears that were still falling.

"I have to go home, I'm sorry". Her words caused Nick to smile, his face lighting up at the prospect of the word home, and the possibilities that were silently embedded in the word.

"Let's go home". He said, her body moving to get back in the car. She slid back onto the back seat, scooting over so she was behind the driver this time, Nick behind the empty passenger seat.

He gave up hope of waiting, knowing that his attempt had failed, so he abandoned the only drink he had ordered and left the Penny, the door swinging closed heavily behind him.

Just as he started his trucks engine, the loud roar of it springing to life filled his ears, the soft sound of his phone jolted his thoughts away from the object of his desire.

Lifting his phone out the console where he tossed it when he climbed in, he saw Nash's name flash across the screen.

If it had been anyone else right now, he would have ignored it, but it wasn't anyone else. It was someone he made a promise to look out for, so he answered her call, his gut telling him that he would regret it.

Her screams filled his ear, tears making her words incoherent as she sobbed through the phone.

He tried to calm her down, but her breaths were labored and words slurred, she wasn't making any sense.

Something was seriously wrong.

The strong woman he watched love one of his two best friends, the woman he watched bury that same best friend, was broken on the other end of the line.

He kept her on the phone and slammed his truck into drive before pulling out the Penny's parking lot towards her house.

He had seen her at the Penny earlier, looking at her watch and on the phone. His silent question of where Andy was merely got a shrug from her, she didn't know.

Arriving at her house, he found Noelle's car parked in the driveway, Oliver's standing outside parked next to the curb. He cut the engine, his eyes finding them standing in her doorway, their eyes finding him as his hand found the door handle.

The second he was close to them, he could hear Nash's sobs, Noelle trying to console her with the baby on her hip, Oliver standing slightly behind Nash like he was expecting to there to catch her if her knees gave way.

When she looked up, she met Sam's face with the most devastation on hers that he had ever seen, his feet failing to move anymore, so the just stopped.

When she looked up and met his eyes, her knees gave way, Oliver stepping up just in time to catch her and help her sit down, his hand pushing her head forwards as he whispered words in her ear.

He knew.

Without hearing the words, he knew.

His feet finally resumed their stride, his heart hammering so loudly in his ears that even though Noelle was talking to him he couldn't hear her.

Sam moved over to Nash and knelt down in front of her, her arms immediately reaching out to wrap around his neck as she leaned forwards to cry her tears into his shirt.

"I can't loose her too". Her broken voice sounded into his chest, a sigh of relief sweeping from him in reply.

There was still the chance that she was alive, if Nash said that, so for now that was all he had to cling to.

A flicker of blue and red lights caught their attention, two squad cars pulling up behind Sam's truck.

Within seconds Frank had crossed the grass and was standing facing Sam, his face battling to hold it together.

"The halo is about to land, we need to go". Frank finally said, causing the silence that engulfed them to waver.

Sam's mind was reeling, if they had to fly her in to the hospital in the medivac helicopter, then it was really bad.

Sam turned back to Nash, her face still smeared with tears.

"We need to go, okay?". She nodded and tried to stand, but her legs wouldn't cooperate. Her whole body was riddled with tremors.

So Sam stood up, handed his keys to Oliver and scooped Nash up.

Oliver handed Noelle the keys, Noelle handed Oliver the baby, his words of "She needs you" not missed by Sam as he walked away.

Leo was obviously home alone with Nash, her mom was absent, so someone needed to stay with him.

Noelle raced around Sam and opened the back seat door, when he reached the truck he set her down on the seat, Noelle already starting the engine. She obviously didn't think he should be driving.

Frank pulled in front of them, lights on, Noelle hit the hazard lights and pulled out into the street, the second squad car pulling in behind her as they made their way towards where they needed to be.

By the time they reached the hospital, Nash had a small amount of her self composure back, although Sam could still feel her hand shake in his.

Noelle pulled up right outside the ER door, and dropped them off, the sound of rotor blades ripping through the air as they stepped out the truck.

The sound caused an anguished cry to come from Nash just as she looked up in time to see the taillight of the helicopter before it disappeared behind the roof of the building.

They were landing.

Sam held on to Nash as they stepped through the doorway, the ER a buzz of frantic activity as people scurried all over the show readying themselves for the arrival of their new patient.

They were pointed to a waiting room and told it would be a while before they received news of the patients, Sam's voice immediately finding itself as he asked who the other was.

"Another passenger, Officer Collins". The nurse said before leaving the room.

Sam sat down in a cold plastic chair, his body giving in to the numbness his heart felt.

Within minutes Frank arrived, the uni accompanying him standing outside the door waiting for a sea of blue to follow.

Frank had obviously still been at work when the call came in.

Noelle arrived, soon Callaghan was there. Dov arrived, Gail right behind him as pale as a ghost.

Within half an hour the room was full, Frank asking some of the occupants to wait outside to give those that needed it, a little space.

A sudden thought sprang into Sam's mind as he stood up and mumbled a weak "Tommy" to Frank, who put a hand on his shoulder and told him a unit had been sent over to his house to bring him in, but he was out, so they were waiting.

As time passed, the numbness remained intact, Sam's heart stopping, followed by his lungs then just everything else.

Except his thoughts.

They ran over happy moments, memories of her, her smile, her laugh.

It was like he was watching her life flash before his eyes.

Tommy arrived a broken man, he couldn't even walk unaided.

He sat opposite Sam, his face buried in his hands.

It was hours before they received word from the doctor.

He came in looking grim, Frank asking everyone except those closest to Nick and Andy to leave the room.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but it doesn't look good. Officer McNally received severe injuries, a crushed femur, a punctured and collapsed lung. There are signs of severe head trauma, swelling and bleeding on the brain. She has broken ribs, and her heart received quite a blow, it too has swelling. Officer Collins, is in better shape. He has a fractured collar bone, and a few broken ribs. Officer McNally's injuries are life threatening at the moment and she has just come out of surgery to remove the ribs from her lung and repair it. Unfortunately we are not able to attempt any other repairs at the moment, because she flatlined on the table. She is currently on life support to aid her breathing, because at the moment she can't breath on her own. Is there an Officer Swarek here?". The doctor eyed the room, Sam's face paling telling him that he was the Officer he was looking for.

"Officer Collins is asking for you".

Sam's mind wasn't processing what the doctor was saying.

A word here and there filtered through to him, the rest of it just didn't do anything.

"Can we see her?". Tommy McNally asked finding his feet.

"I'll send a nurse down to get you soon, she is currently in recovery, but she will be moved to her room soon. I'm sorry it's only immediate family".

The doctor left the room, Sam following on auto pilot.

They stopped outside a room with it's door closed, the doctor patting Sam on the shoulder before leaving him alone outside the door.

Sam hesitantly opened the door, Collins eyes focusing on him the minute the door opened.

Nick's face showed signs of severe pain, as well as a few track marks from tears he had shed through the trauma.

"How is she?". Collins spoke first, his voice holding raw fear as he asked the question.

"Not good. What happened Nick?".

"She couldn't do it, she couldn't leave you. We pulled over and she said she wanted to come back. So we came back. We took the turnpike and went back on the highway, when there were just high rising lights in front of us. A semi blew a tire, and crossed lanes into our side, the driver swerved out, but it was too late. The semi hit their side and we spun and rolled. When we...when we stopped it hit us again. She just wanted to come home". Nick's voice broke off as he rammed his head back into the pillow, his eyes jamming closed.

He watched Andy scream in fear, the glass shattering as her arm came up to protect her face. He held her hand while she cried in pain when they stopped. He heard her tell him to give Sam a message if she didn't make it, and he held her hand until it went limp.

He heard the sirens approach, before the hands were pulling her hand from his, his voice screaming at them to help her and leave him alone until she was okay.

He heard them radio for a helicopter to land on the tarmac of the highway while another voice called out that they were loosing her.

They were in the air before he saw her again.

"She um... She asked me to tell you she loves you".

Sam pinched his eyes closed, the final piece of his heart ceasing to exist as he heard those words.

She thought she was going to die.

"I'm sorry...". Nick's voice just could utter anymore, so he stopped. The room falling into deafening silence until he found his voice long enough to say one word.

"Gail?". Sam nodded, a sad smile tugging at his lips. They really had it bad for each other, they were a lot like him and Andy, they just needed to get there.

"I'll get her". Sam said leaving the room.

He found Peck outside the waiting room, her face no where near the strong one she always wore.

When she saw him, her lips pursed into a tight line before she whispered the most heartfelt words he had ever heard her say. "I'm so sorry Sam".

Sam didn't respond, he looked down instead. His lips finding his own words. "He's asking for you. Third floor, three-fifteen".

Sam found Tommy gone, he knew he was with Andy. His whole being wishing that it was him in her room.

As Sam slumped down into a chair in the far corner, Frank sat beside him, his hand squeezing Sam's shoulder.

"Tommy asked for you to go up when you came back". Frank's words made Sam's head snap up, his biggest fear subsiding.

His biggest fear right now; was that he wouldn't get the chance to say goodbye.

Frank gave him her room number and a second later Sam was gone.

The nurse told Tommy that Sam was waiting outside, so Tommy stepped out so that Sam could go in.

They exchanged looks, Sam showing his gratefulness that Tommy had extended this to him.

He tried to mentally prepare himself for what he would see, but it was no use. When his eyes fell on her, he gasped in a sharp breath, his world coming to a complete stop in that instant.

Her face was swollen, marked with blue welts and tiny red scratches. Her left leg was up in a cast, held in traction and she had a ventilator breathing for her. She had wires and tubes running like a spiders web from her body to the machines. There was an IV that ran blood into her, another with an antibiotic, a third that was probably saline.

A pipe ran from her mouth, his eyes watching as it pumped air into her lungs, keeping her alive.

Her hair fanned out over the blue sheet she lay on, no pillows under her head as they kept her as flat as possible.

The rich brown was in dark contrast to the pale blue, a striking combination.

Her heartbeat was there, sounding through the room, filling his ears. It was the only sign that there was any life left in her.

Sam stepped closer, instinctively reaching out for her hand.

"I'm so sorry". Came out his mouth, whispered into her hair as he leaned down and brushed a kiss over her temple.

"You were coming home, and Nick told me what you said...I love you too Andy. Always have, always will". He added, his lips caressing her forehead.

He thought he heard the heart monitor beeped a little faster, as though she had heard him, but knew it was only wishful thinking.

"I know I screwed up, and that this wouldn't have happened if I had tried harder, but I don't want you to go, not yet". He listened carefully to the heart monitor, but this time there was no change, its beep keeping rhythm.

"Everyone is here, but they can't come in, and I know that you know what they want to say, so you keep fighting, you keep getting better. I can't loose you". This time, there was a change in the heartbeat on the screen, a slight fluctuation.

"I'll be back I swear, as long as you hold on, I'll be here waiting". Sam said, before giving her forehead a soft peck and leaving knowing that Tommy probably wanted back in.

He found Traci outside the door waiting, her eyes brimming with tears. "I'm her sister". She smiled boldly. Tommy had found a way to get her in too, probably explaining the ethnic difference by using adoption.

She slipped into the room, a smile tugging at Sam's lips.

No matter what happened after this minute, no matter what the outcome of this was, Andy was coming back. She loved him.

No matter what happened when sunrise came, he had his Andy, and she would forever have him.

**So let me know- Carry On? Don't forget to follow & leave an awesome review!**

**JBJ. **


	2. Unbreakable

**Wow! I'm speechless! And for me- that's a first!**

**That's all I can say to the reaction you guys had to the first chapter. Thank you! **

**You've convinced me to carry on, but I still haven't decided how much, or how it will end, so hope you'll leave just as many reviews telling me what you think!**

**Thanks to the regulars & Kelly2727!**

**Welcome to the newbies!**

**Chapter 2- Unbreakable. **

Gail's hand hit the door and her whole body froze.

She knew the extent of Nick's injuries, but his frame of mind, that was a whole different story.

She had no idea what she was walking into.

He'd been in Afghanistan, he'd seen things that he still wouldn't talk about, he'd lost friends and watched them die. But none of them were Andy.

Having to watch her get thrown around in the back of a car, a friend he shared a special kind of bond with, that wasn't something he wasn't going to take too well. Their bond was unbreakable, it was the kind of friendship that lasted for a lifetime. The kind of friendship that if it was to end too soon, you would name your kids after that person, a way to honor them. A way to remember them.

Steadying her shaking hand, she pushed the door open, Nick's eyes flying up to meet hers when he focused on her presence.

"Hi". Her greeting came out broken, her strong exterior slipping away to reveal the real her. The her that was soft, the one that cared. The one that couldn't handle the sight of him like this.

"Is she...". Nick's face contorted into a look of sheer panic, he thought something had happened to Andy and she was assigned to tell him.

_"No_! No she's...". Gail didn't finish, she had no idea how Andy was.

She held back, unsure. She just lingered inside the doorway watching him. But she was hiding her tears too, in the far edge of the room where the light didn't quite reach. She didn't want him to see how scared she was. Someone that saw that would see her as weak, one thing she never wanted to be called.

But he knew her well enough to know. Know that she was only human, like him. That she was crying on the inside, her heart breaking for him. For Andy.

"The driver?". Nick hadn't given the nameless face a second thought, until now. His only thoughts had been cast over Andy in silent prayers and the knowledge that it was supposed to be him, not her.

"He um... He didn't make it". Gail whispered, her mind adding a silent _'And you almost didn't either'. _

_"It was supposed to be me"._ Nick blurted, his eyes closing as vivid images sprawled their way in front of his eyes.

"No, Nick._ How _can you say that?".

"She was sitting on the other side when we stopped. When we got back in, I let her get in first. We switched seats. It should have been me Gail, not her". A strong hint of anger slithered around his words as he huffed them out, the heart monitor picking up the rising rhythm his heartbeat felt.

He closed his eyes, and slammed his head back into the pillow, his mood defeated.

He was anxious and feeling guilty, even if the events were far beyond his reach of control.

"She's a fighter Nick". Gail's voice lacked the conviction she knew he needed to hear, only because memories of her own crawled their way into her brain.

Jerry.

Cab driver.

Her fault.

She blamed herself for Jerry, so much that when she was cleared and discharged from this very hospital, she couldn't leave.

She carried around the alienated feeling that she was responsible for his death for days after it happened.

She couldn't even face Traci, Sam or Oliver.

Until Traci came to get her. Her words of _"I need a friend now" _would forever haunt Gail.

Nick was doing the same thing, taking the blame, when it wasn't his to shoulder.

Nick's eyes suddenly snapped open, Gail's face revealing her inner turmoil as her arm wrapped around her, trying to shut the images out.

Nick simply lifted his uninjured arm towards her, his hand begging to be held by her paler, dainty one.

She didn't need to be asked twice, she took the remaining steps that separated them in seconds, her hand finding his without needing to hear the words.

Sam made his way back into the waiting room, the sea of blue outside the door had thinned out in his absence, less faces now present.

Sam sank down into a different chair this time, the previous one he had occupied was empty, but he didn't want to sit there and remember the words he had heard.

He noticed Noelle was gone, probably left to fetch the baby and take her home.

Diaz had arrived, his face a ghostly pale as he sat next to Epstein, his head leaning against the wall, his eyes focused up in the air.

A hand brandishing coffee flew out in front of Sam, Oliver's face hovering above his head when his eyes sought out the bearer.

Sam took the coffee, a small nod of thanks. Words weren't needed.

Oliver took a seat in the chair next to Sam, his hand clinging tightly to his own cup of coffee.

"You okay?". He knew it was a stupid question to ask, just looking at Sam he knew that he was not okay.

"Yup".

See, it was just obvious.

"It's not good". Sam added, Oliver had missed the doctors visit, even though he had probably been given the run down by Noelle.

"I know, but she's a fighter Sammy".

She was, she really had been, up until now.

She had left, because she had given up, lost her fight.

Sam snorted in response, he didn't believe Oliver.

They lapsed into silence, each reliving their own memories of Andy.

Sunrise was on the horizon, Nash returning to the waiting room in worse shape than she was when she went into Andy's room.

Sam understood why, he felt the same way.

He didn't regret going to see her, and he never would. But the helpless feeling that collided with the numbness made him feel dead inside.

He was helpless to help her, helpless to make her better or heal her broken and battered body. He had no choice but to watch them keep her sedated, the machines breathing for her because she couldn't breath on her own.

He would willingly trade places with her in a heartbeat, without a second thought. But he knew it wasn't possible.

"Has anyone seen Tommy?". Epstein asked the room loudly, he had moved passed Sam and to the door without Sam even noticing it. His voice washed over the room in anxious waves, his tone holding an edge of panic that was bone chilling and distraught.

Simply translated, Epstein was encased in fear.

Sam's head snapped up, his mind not understanding the question. Tommy was supposedly with Andy, so who and why were they looking for him?

Sam looked over at Nash, her face mirroring his confusion, so his body reacted and he was out of his chair and through the door.

He was in front of Andy's door, her room's light flooding through the open door as bodies scrambled around the room.

Harsh voices were calling out words like _'Pressure dropping'_ and _'Filling with fluid';_ Sam's gut screaming in warning at the bad feeling the words caused to rush over him.

He watched as the IUC staff worked in unison, their movements fluid motions as they complimented those of the person next to them. A hand would reach out and silently ask for something, another handing over what was required, all without words.

Well none that he heard.

The only sound that he heard was the single monotone of a shrilled, high pitched squeal as her heart monitor failed to show any signs of life.

Sam stepped away, unwilling to watch her life ebb out of her.

He backed up slowly, his mind forcefully tearing his eyes from the scene unfolding in front of them.

He turned slightly, and just kept inching backwards, until his back met the wall.

He leaned against it, it's painted exterior literally holding him up. Until he decided there just wasn't a point to standing anymore.

He slid down the wall, until he couldn't anymore and just sat there, the screech of the machine still filling his ears.

It didn't matter that he was sitting on the floor, leaning against a wall in the ICU, he didn't care. It was the final minutes of his life, so why let himself get hungup on the semantics of good behavior inside a hospital?

Nash screaming his name, drawn out in a cry, made his head turn to the side to see her running down the hallway, Oliver right behind her when she froze and screamed no repeatedly, her head shaking violently from side to side.

He just sat there, not wanting to move. Unable to stand up and comfort her.

His world ceased to exist on the sound of the heart monitor as it crashed.

Until one tiny little blip raged through the air, followed by another and another and another.

Her heartbeat was back, Sam's own heart restarting as he heard the feint strains of her will to live drift through the air.

Nash heard it too, her sobs effectively cutting out as her ears strained to hear it.

Sam let out the first breath he had exhaled since he came back up here, his body working together as it continued to live a little longer.

Oliver and Nash seemed suddenly closer, Oliver whispering out one soft word. "Tommy?".

Sam shook his head, he had no idea where Tommy was, he had been here, now he was gone.

"I'll go" Oliver said, Sam nodding in appreciation.

Sam found his feet, Nash looking into the room, her hand over her mouth.

"Where's he going". She asked finally seeking Sam out.

"To the Penny". His reply was weak, he wanted to go, but he needed to be here more.

She was alone.

Oliver found Tommy sitting at the bar, his eyes cast downwards as they lay drowning in the half full glass of amber liquid.

He slid onto the seat next to Tommy, his heart caving in for what the man must be feeling.

"I couldn't sit there and watch...". Tommy's apology rang out on a whimpered whisper, his face still aimed at the glass in front of him.

"I know". Oliver replied honestly. He had tried to imagine one of his girls in the hospital in Andy's condition, and himself in Tommy's shoes. The picture so bleak and heartfelt, that he couldn't even consolidate the idea of it between his heart and his brain.

"I didn't..."

Tommy's eyes still stayed fixed on the glass, a shaky hand reaching out to push it away.

He had ordered it, but didn't touch it. Didn't give in. He was being strong for Andy.

"We need to go back". Oliver said leaving his chair, his hand patting the man next to him on the back in pride. If this simple action didn't tell Andy how much more she meant to her father than the alcohol he used to loose himself in, then nothing would ever be able to convince her.

_**Andy's POV**_

Everything was on fire.

Everything hurt, pain surged through every nerve ending, every hair follicle, every inch of her skin.

Lights flashed brightly, behind her closed lids, before Nick's voice rang out in her ears, _'Let's go home'. _

They were turning back, the car moving swiftly towards home.

The sound escaping her lips suddenly was her own voice as she felt fear weigh her down. A scream.

Shattering glass, and scraping metal replaced the sound of her voice, then suddenly she was weightless.

Drifting through the air, in the open space between Nick, the floor and the roof. The floor and the roof exchanged places, the top becoming the bottom, the bottom the top, Nick's voice yelling her name over the sound of the tremors that moved the earth.

Then everything stopped moving, unbearable pain wrapping its sharp clutches around her and squeezing.

She felt the warm familiar touch of Nick's hand on her own, his voice pleading with her to stay awake.

Opening her eyes, she could see the stars, their vague blue hue blurry and so distant, but still there.

Then there was darkness, a blackness so empty it chilled her soul.

There was a noise in the background, it was loud and obnoxious. Like waves crashing into the shoreline during a storm, their voice screaming in displeasure as they rammed over the sand.

There were voices and beeps, an incessant sound disturbing her sleep, like an annoying alarm that just blared continuously.

Then the darkness came.

Vague warmth touched her face, in comfort. It was familiar, but seemed to restrain itself as it lingered and held back.

Still the burning coursed its way through her, its vengeance so fierce that even though she wanted to scream, she couldn't. It pulled at her, tore the warmth away that had been hovering over her.

She was so tired, the annoyance and frustration at that damned alarm building as it continued to rein down around her.

There was a presence near her, she could feel it.

It was calming, and compassionate, even though it seemed to withdraw in grief, in sorrow.

She felt condemned, caged, defeated and dismayed.

But the presence seemed to wrap her up and hold her in its close proximity.

But it didn't stay.

It left her, replacing the warmth it invoked with an ice cold chill.

Like emptiness was engulfing her.

The darkness returned, for how long she had no idea.

Her peace disturbed by the ignorance of an intruder. This time the alarm's rhythmic tone one monotonous shrill.

She felt the sudden pull of the light, it was enveloping her in its warm possession, while the darkness fought it for possession of her soul.

It's draw was equally as forceful, only she feared the darkness.

The light was pale, it was peaceful and harmonic, the darkness was ragged and raw, it threatening to take hold of her and never let go.

She felt like she was tugging herself free of the darkness' grasp, the light flooding her with an ease over her pain as the burning fires died down.

But the blackness was holding her back, and in one instant she knew what was happening.

The sudden scream of a name made her stop moving towards the light, her soul hanging in animation between life and death.

She was dying, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

The warm presence was back, its pull drawing her back even though this time the presence seemed so far away.

It was like magnetism, this presence. It's hold over her like nothing she could lay claim to ever having felt before.

But the listless feeling that washed over her made her heart ache.

If she was awake, or conscious, or alive, she was sure she would cry. Tears would well in her eyes and break free.

But she wasn't, her life was slipping away, her destiny unstoppable.

She was overcome with the urge to make her choice, stop the pain and embrace the tranquility of the light. Or leave the light and fight with spirit she wasn't sure she had left in her.

The presence was willing her into the dark, the light moving away until a sudden burst shrouded over her as it blanketed her in freedom.

She was out of time, she had to make her decision now.

Live or die.

Fight or give up.

Embrace the light, or the darkness.

The light.

The darkness.

Light.

Darkness.

Then there was nothing, like everything ceased to exist.

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	3. Breathless

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**Welcome if you're new!**

**Chapter 3- Breathless. **

Sam's breathing steadied out as he finally looked into Andy's room.

The doctor was scribbling in her chart, his eyes meeting Sam's filled with apology.

He set the chart down and strolled over to Sam and Traci, his face cast in stoic stillness, revealing little to nothing.

"Walk with me?". He asked facing Sam, Nash nodding as a silent agreement that she would stay.

"You and Officer McNally are really close?".

The doctors words uttered as they moved down the hallway, destination unknown.

Sam didn't quite know how to answer, a weak "Used to be" breaking free when it should have stayed sealed away.

"I have my nurses record visitors times, and monitor the patients vitals and response in that time". The doctor said, as they rounded the corner, a crisscross of paths to follow around them.

"I was in med school when I had an accident. I was in a coma for six weeks, just been married a year. When I woke up I knew my wife was pregnant, she told me when I was comatose".

Sam stopped and glared at the doctor, he had no idea why he would divulge personal information like that to a complete stranger.

"All I'm saying is she knows when you're there. She wants you there". The doctor added some clarity, making Sam choke on the air that he inhaled.

"Her vitals were stable when you were there, your visit lasted twenty-three minutes. In that time, nothing fluctuated, nothing declined. I've been studying this since my accident, it's more predominant with children because they're scared to go, and the elderly because they're scared to leave their spouse behind".

Sam's stride was twitchy as he watched the doctor for signs that this was a joke.

"Her condition is critical, and I'm afraid it's deteriorating. I need to do surgery to her leg within seventy-two hours, but at this rate, she won't survive that long. Officer Swarek, you were there, you saw her die. She didn't want to stay anymore, so she just inexplicably gave up. Everything stopped, she was gone. Then you were there, and her friend called out to you. She came back".

Sam shook his head, ignoring the fact that the doctor had named Nash as a friend rather than her sister, the excuse they had used.

"Medicine in not just a science and drugs Officer. It's caring for your patients any way you can to ensure their survival. All I'm asking for is you to help me do that. I need her calm, and I need her to keep still, but right now she's unwilling to stay alive long enough to do that".

Sam had stopped in the hallway to stare at the doctor. He had felt emotionally crippled since he learned of her accident, but hearing her described as dead, even if only for seconds, that just ripped his heart to shreds.

"We have bad history, I don't think that me being there would be a good thing". Sam mumbled from under a hand that pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Officer, I know that you don't think that right now, but trust me, she wants you there".

When Sam looked up, he found Nash watching them curiously. They had walked right around the ICU floor, and were back outside Andy's room.

"Thank you". Sam said before joining Nash, his mind riddled with the doctors words. How could he even think that Sam staying here would be a good thing?

"They're going to wake her in three hours". Nash's words were flatly stated, like the possibility of it scared her.

"Why?".

"They're checking for brain activity and her response, so she needs to be more lucid".

"Go get some sleep Nash. I'll call you". Sam could see she was tired, her body wouldn't hold out much longer if she didn't eat and sleep.

"I need to be here Sam".

Sam nodded, he knew how she felt. He couldn't tear himself away from here,even if he tried.

He fished out his keys and held them out to her, his face stern.

"Two hours sleep Nash, you're gonna need it". She took the keys and retreated down the hall. No use in fighting him when she knew this was a battle she'd never win.

Sam lingered in the doorway to Andy's room, his face angled to watch the nurses still busy with her.

The soft beep of the machine now a lifeline he clung to as it registered a little fight left in her.

One of the nurses left the room, her face smiling sadly at Sam when she passed him in the doorway.

The other nurse, the one that stayed behind made her way to Sam, her face soft with understanding as she peered at him with the greenest eyes he'd ever seen.

She pointed to something just inside the door, waving Sam over as she spoke.

"Hand disinfectant. You have to spray when you come in, and when you leave. No flowers, no items from home, no food, no coffee". It made Sam wonder if Andy was serving life in prison or in a hospital.

"It's to stop the spread of germs, she's highly susceptible to secondary infections now. No phones either". The nurse tried to smile, but failed when she saw Sam's face remain stoic.

"You're skeptical". She murmured as Sam moved to spray his hands with the disinfectant after he switched his phone off and jammed it back into his pocket.

He didn't answer, he didn't really know what he was right now.

"I was here when you were here earlier, she relaxed".

Sam twirled around to face the nurse, her eyes soft in understanding.

"Can I show you?". She was relentless, determined to prove it to him. No wonder she worked with the doctor.

Sam raised an eyebrow, glancing between Andy and the nurse.

The nurse walked over to Andy's bedside, Sam following hesitantly.

"See that?". She pointed to the heart monitor, Sam nodding in reply.

"Touch her".

As much as he wanted to do just that, he didn't think Andy would appreciated the fact that he took the opportunity to touch her when she was unconscious.

The nurse nodded, and Sam relented, his hand seeking out Andy's as it came to rest over hers.

He watched the heart monitor, Andy's heartbeat picking up by three beats a minute.

"It's not much, but it shows she's registering your presence. It didn't happen with her dad, or her friend, just you".

"She's a fighter this one, got a whole lot of spunk and fire but something's holding her back. Just talk to her, touch her, let her know you're here and that you want her to stay". The nurse nodded politely and left Sam alone with Andy.

He still had his hand over hers as he watched her spread out between the pale blue sheets.

His mind was buzzing with a million things to say, but he wasn't quite sure that Andy would hear him, or want to hear what he had to say.

He knew she was heavily sedated, to keep her asleep while she healed, her injuries way to painful to allow her a lucid recovery.

He pulled his hand away, and grabbed the chair in the corner of the room and set it down quietly next to her, angled so that he could face her.

He had never been a fan of hospitals, the white hallways and smell of disinfectant definitely not appealing to his senses.

This was where people came to die, that was why he didn't like it.

He sat down in the uncomfortable chair, his eyes aimed at Andy.

She looked so small and pale where she lay, a far cry from he normal self.

A world of emotions enveloped him as different scenarios splurged through his mind.

Things he could have said differently, things he could have done differently. Anything that could have changed the circumstances they now found themselves in.

If he'd tried harder to talk to her, she never would have left, never had the accident. If he didn't break up with her, he would have saved them both the misery they had been through, and she wouldn't be here now. If he had taken the UC when Luke offered it to him, he would be here now, not her.

But fate had been set, their destines carved out in this moment, that she would lay here, him sitting in the chair beside her and waiting. Waiting for her to wake up, or waiting for her to give up and let go.

Her three beats a minute stayed on the screen, as his presence lingered in the room. He was skeptical that she would hear him if he spoke, and he was skeptical that she would ever know he was here, but somewhere in the back of his mind he felt the need to tell her what he couldn't when she was awake. What he should have told her ages ago. What he couldn't let her go without he knowing. He already had way too many regrets, but if something happened, he would never forgive himself for not telling her.

"I'm an ass". He whispered out softly, leaning a little closer to her. Not a great start to what he wanted to say, but he needed to start somewhere. Starting was the hardest part.

"I was such an idiot to think I could let you go and never look back".

His hand moved, driven by his desire to reach out and touch her, take away her pain.

"I should never have let you go".

His voice sounded strange, even to his own ears. It made him bow his head, his eyes focusing on his shoes. His thumb rubbed small circles over the back of her knuckles, his heart willing her hand to squeeze his even though he knew it was impossible.

He felt like a small piece of him died the day he broke up with her, now it was like his heart had turned to stone, the harsh reality of possibly being forced to let her go altogether installing so much fear inside him that he was barely keeping it together.

"You just need to hang in there. I know you can, but I need you to want too. I need you to stay".

He let out a ragged breath, his eyes finding her face again while his hand kept itself latched to hers.

He never thought he would have to imagine a life without her in it. No show of her smile, no sound of her infectious giggle, no whirlwind Andy blowing in late for parade. Now that he faced the possibility of it, he simply refused to let his imagination even contemplate picturing it.

"I can't do this without you..."

The clearing of a throat behind him startled Sam, his head turning to find Tommy lingering in the doorway.

Sam stood up and nodded in Tommy's direction before turning back to Andy and leaving over her to kiss her forehead.

He whispered a soft "As long as you're here, I'll be waiting" against her skin, a repeat of his words from the first time he saw her, just so that she would know he would be back.

When he pulled away, he noticed the single tear sparkling on the side of her face as it rolled its way free of her closed eye.

She was crying.

Without thinking, he lifted his free hand, his thumb wiping it away as it brushed over her skin.

Sam pinched his eyes closed, his heart carving itself out of his chest and tenderly laying at her feet as he recounted his fears. He was suddenly a firm believer in thinking that maybe she had heard him, heard that he wants her to stay, and in that single tear he felt like she just might want to stay.

The other option was too heartbreaking to think about, the one that maybe she had given up. Maybe she was sad because she needed to go now.

Sam shook the though out of his mind and brushed his lips over her temple before retracting his hands and leaving her side so that Tommy could spend some time with her.

Sam found Oliver outside the door brandishing coffee and a brown paper bag that no doubt had food of some kind in it. Sam reached out and took the coffee when Oliver held it out, but declined the food by shaking his head. He wouldn't be able to stomach it now.

"He's sober". Oliver said, giving Sam the reassurance that Tommy wouldn't upset Andy now. His questioning look towards the bed turning to appreciation when his gaze found his friend again.

"You need to get some sleep Sam".

"They're waking her soon". There was no way he was leaving when that happened, not if there was a chance to see her wake up for a while.

"I know, the doctor stopped us on the way up. He also asked Tommy's permission to let you stay".

Sam wasn't sure of how to handle that. In a way it feel so wrong, she should have her family with her because they had a right to be here when he didn't deserve to be.

"Tommy asked that he and her friends be allowed too, so the doctor said it would be okay, but only one at a time, and for short periods of time". Oliver couldn't help but smile, even though under such sad circumstances, Sam was here when McNally needed him, no matter what.

They had walked down the hallway in conversation, finally finding some chairs further down where they took up residence.

They just sat in silence, Sam sipping his coffee, Oliver wondering where life would leave his friend if McNally didn't make it.

After a while Nash appeared, looking better than she had when she left, but not entirely like herself.

With his eyes set on her, Sam knew it would soon be time to wake Andy, and learn more about her condition.

That just caused a whole new wave of fear to well inside him. Fear of the unknown.

A few minutes later the doctor arrived and Tommy made his way over to them, his face filled with sadness and remorse. He was really having a hard time accepting that Andy's life was currently hanging on to the operation of machines.

"As you know, I need to wake her, just for a few minutes. I can only allow one of you in the room with us, just to calm her and help with her reassurance that she is okay". The doctor was eyeing Sam as he spoke, like his speech was directed solely at him.

Tommy nodded and patted Sam on the back, his way of telling Sam that he approved of the doctors desire for Sam to accompany him.

Sam followed the doctor, while everyone else held back. The doctor stopped outside the door, and turned to Sam. "She won't be able to talk, and she will be dissorientated. We don't know how she will react". The doctors words of warning made Sam shiver. He wasn't even sure that Andy would recognize him or remember him. Or if there was enough of Andy left to remember.

His hands rattled with that thought, he already knew that she had swelling and bleeding on the brain. It could be much worse than that.

Letting his feet follow the doctor into the room, Sam sprayed his hands with the disinfectant after the doctor had and aimlessly hung back in the corner, his heart hammering away loudly in his own ears.

He wasn't ready to do this.

His eyes took in the room, three nurses and the doctor winding their way around Andy's bedside. The crash cart strategically placed closer, it was now next to her head. Sam looked to the left, someone had closed the door and he hadn't even noticed.

The doctors voice sounded through the room, but it sounded so far away, like it was lost over distance. Sam could hear And heartbeat flicker and pick up pace, the steady rhythm moving to such a fast pace Sam worried her heart was about to give out.

"Officer McNally, you need to calm down".

Sam had stood in the back of the room, time drifting by as it seemed inconsequential. Everything had faded away, his mind only focusing on the sound that filled the room.

Until the doctor spoke to her, his words pulling Sam's attention to focus on reality.

The nurse with the jade green eyes nodded at his silent question when he looked up at her, her smile giving him the motivation he needed to stride over to Andy's bedside.

He reached out and took hold of Andy's hand as it waived around in the air, as though she was still trying to shield herself with it. Her other hand flew up to her breathing tube, her hand nearly ripping the hindering plastic out, if Sam's hand hadn't pried her fingers loose and wrapped them up in his own.

Her body was thrashing around, her knee nearly knocking Sam in the face as she pulled it up, a sound combined between gurgling and choking wafting out through her mouth and the ventilator pipe.

Her leg still suspended in the air was fighting to break free as it swung from side to side, its restraint holding her from ripping it back. A nurse reached out and took a firm hold of her foot, attempting to hold it in place.

Her face was creased and marred in pain as it contorted into sadness itself. Her eyes still closed, she refused to see where she was, her body fighting.

Sam knew she was lost in reliving the accident, so he did the only thing he could think of and called out her name.

"Andy, sshh, you're okay".

His voice made her eyes snap open and blink rapidly as they tried to focus and wipe away the images that seemed burned into the back of her eyelids.

"Look at me". Sam said the second her eyes wanted to close again. He was a little to her left, her eyes focusing on the ceiling straight ahead of her.

His whispered words made her thrashing still slightly, the muffled sounds still seeping out her mouth. Her eyes swung to his and in one single instant he felt like he died.

Her eyes had always been expressive, the windows to her feelings. But now they were alight with pain, flickering in fear, and filled with questions. Panic welled on her face as her brows furrowed and dipped. He knew she was scared.

"You're okay, just keep still".

His words did little to console her, her body still shifting around mercilessly. But he kept her hands in his, even though he was forced to squeeze them slightly tightly.

But her gaze haunted him, her dark orbs filled with so much raw emotion that Sam didn't know what to say or do in that moment to calm her. He wasn't even sure that he wasn't causing the anguish in her eyes, his presence hurting her. He didn't see a flicker of recognition, so the thought that maybe she didn't recognize him plundered through his mind too.

Sam tried to shut out the world around them, the voices, the whoosh of the ventilator, the beep of the heart machine way too fast to be considered normal. He needed to focus solely on her.

He never looked away, he even tried to find a smile, but all attempts vanished when he saw her eyes fill with brimming tears.

Her hand jerked in his, so he suddenly let it drop to her side like her flesh had scolded his. His gaze followed his hand to see her hand twitching before allowing it to settle back on her face as he watched her eyes roll back in their sockets.

He thought that she wanted to reclaim her hand, like he was hurting her, or she didn't want him to touch her, but she was having some kind of seizure.

Within seconds Sam was pushed out of the way, the doctors voice calling to some unseen voice to get an OR.

Hands snapped her ventilator pipe off the machine, a pale blue bag being pumped by a gloved hand replacing it.

Slid bolts were unlatched, the bed suddenly rolling as it was pushed. Her heart monitor and drip stand seemed attached to the bed, or pushed by unseen hands, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that they were moving Andy with incredible speed out of the room, the door banging against the wall as they slipped through.

He just stood there, in a room now void of voices, the silence deafening.

He was beyond frozen, beyond shocked.

He was well and truly scared.

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	4. Your Lovebirds Flying Away

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**JellyBeanJen_FF**

**Chapter 4- Your Lovebird's Flying Away. **

He was exhausted, but he wasn't going anywhere.

Four hours after they rushed Andy out of her ICU room and into the OR, he still sat patiently waiting for word on her condition in the waiting room.

Tommy was waiting too, so was Nash. Epstein had arrived with Noelle and Frank, Oliver being the coffee runner.

Sam knew he looked like crap, he needed a shower and a shave, his hair was probably tousled from running his hand through it repeatedly, and he probably just generally looked like an escaped convict. But he wasn't going anywhere. And he didn't really care.

Oliver disappeared for a while and came back with one of Sam's duffle bags, holding it out, he merely pointed to the bathroom down the hall and told Sam to go.

He felt better after the speedy shower, but the hot water did nothing to appease his nerves.

A warm hand on his shoulder drew his attention off the floor, he was sitting with his elbows on his knees, his face staring at the floor as he let his body hang forwards.

Looking up, Sarah's warm smile greeted him, his heart suddenly knowing that Oliver had reached out to her to come.

Even though Sarah and Andy never met, Oliver had probably figured that Sam needed her here now, and that meant that it was bad. Really bad.

"How you holding up?". Sarah sat down next to Sam, he wasn't the touchy-feely kind of person, so she didn't invade his personal space. She just let her hand reach out to his and let it rest over it as he sat back and his hand found his thigh.

Sam looked at her briefly before shaking his head and looking away, his jaw clenching. He refused to say the words. He wouldn't allow them to pass over his lips.

That was enough to tell Sarah all she needed to know.

Sam had changed over the last few years, becoming more placid, taking less risks. He had calmed down, and although he hadn't said it outright, he knew that Sarah knew it was because he had met Andy.

Sam leaned back, his head meeting the cold wall, his eyes pinching closed, but Sarah's hand stayed hovering over his.

The room filled with silence, no audible breaths, no scraping chairs, just the passive breathing of everyone waiting for news on Andy.

Well over an hour later, the doctor emerged, his face more relaxed than the last time anyone in that room had seen it.

Everyone in the room found their feet, the doctor finding a small smile in appreciation of so much love for his patient.

"She's okay, she's stable. She coded, but we got her back. Her thrashing caused her bone marrow to seep into her bloodstream causing the seizure, but we have repaired the break, and removed the bone fragments. If nothing else goes wrong, she should be okay".

Sam felt the remaining energy flow out of him as a tiny fraction of relief swept over him. But it wasn't enough.

"Can we see her?" Nash beat him to the question, her tone hopeful and relieved.

"She's in recovery, but she'll be back in her room in an hour or so. She's still being kept sedated, but we'll be waking her every twelve hours just to monitor her recovery and pain levels. The swelling in her brain has stopped and the internal injuries and brain bleed seem to have stopped deteriorating. Now she just needs to rest".

For the first time since Sam met this doctor he saw him smile faintly, a sign that Sam really needed.

The doctor said his goodbyes after her received a chorus of thank-you's from Tommy, Nash and Sarah.

Sarah had kept her face watching Sam's reaction while the doctor spoke, his eager need for information making her remember how his face would crease when he was younger and lost in thought. He looked like that now.

"Can we walk?". Sarah nudged Sam, she had never been one to sit still for very long, and they still had to wait another hour before Sam would be let back near Andy.

Sam turned to Tommy who answered his silent question with a small shake of his head as he resumed his conversation with Frank.

Sam and Sarah left the room, Sarah locking her arm through Sam's as they walked towards the coffee shop.

"So, I finally get to meet her". Sarah said as they sat down at a table after ordering a coffee and a Latte from the counter.

Sam scowled a little, Sarah knew it wasn't like that.

"I'm kidding" she mumbled seeing his face pull into a hardened glare.

"You really have it bad don't you".

That just made Sam growl, he knew Sarah wasn't being insensitive,she was just...well, just Sarah, said what she thought.

"Sorry, but you know what I meant".

"I know, it's just really hard right now".

"I get it Sammy, it's just that it would have been nice if you had bought her home you know".

Sam hadn't taken a girl home since he was in college, even then he hadn't taken her home, she just arrived when she invited herself over.

"You've thought about it, haven't you. Bringing her home?".

Sarah's words got o tug at the edges of Sam's lips, her own face lighting up at Sam's acknowledgment of the fact that he had thought about it.

"Sammy, why didn't you tell me?".

His face fell at that question, he knew it would come out of her mouth, he just didn't know how to answer it.

"I didn't know what to say?". He felt like it was close enough to the truth to just fly with it.

"You didn't know what to say? How about I've met someone, or I've fallen in love? Or just 'Hey Sar, this is Andy?".

Sam leaned back in his chair, a loud sigh escaping him as his hand ran over his face in vengeance.

"I know, you're right, but with her...it's just complicated. Not because she's complicated, because I am and when I finally started getting it right...I just went and screwed it up. I just didn't know how to handle it, so I pushed her away. She tried to fix it, fix me, but I wouldn't let her. If I had this wouldn't be happening".

Sam's tone grew aggravated as he spoke, his frustration at the situation clear as day on his face.

"Sammy, I'm so sorry this happened, but it's not your fault. You said you pushed her away, Oliver told me they were coming back, that she couldn't go through with it. What does that say? She wanted to come home".

He already knew that, that was the reason he felt like crap right now. If she had decided to go, she wouldn't be here, if she had ignored the pull towards him, and stayed away she would be in one piece.

"You can't change what happened, but you're trying to be there for her and I can see how it's hurting you. If she didn't love you she wouldn't have come back".

"Exactly my point". Sam said pushing his coffee away from himself and standing up. He didn't need to hear that it was his fault that Andy was here, that much he already knew.

Sarah responded equally as feisty as he was by scooting her chair back loudly and finding her feet.

"Don't you dare Sam. Nobody blames you, not her friends, not her father, and I know that she won't".

"How do you know that Sar? You don't even know her".

"Because if she's still holding on, and she reacts everytime you're in the room like she wants you there, I don't think she will resent you for anything other than you blaming yourself. You've told me enough about her for me to know she's smart, and funny and caring. And if she loves you, then that is the only thing that will keep her going Sam".

Sam gaped at his sister, she was older and wiser, but also the more calm of the two of them in a situation like this, not that they'd ever been in a situation like this.

Any kind of situation, Sarah was the level headed one, the strong one, the one that forced Sam to keep his shit together.

"Sammy, I didn't come to do this, I came because I want to be here for you. For her. If I'm pissing you off I'll leave but until then I'm not going to stand around and watch you loose yourself".

Sam ran his tongue over the inside of his cheek. He was doing what he always did, pushing the people closest to him away.

"I know. I'm sorry, J'ai besoin que tu restes".

"It's been a long time Sam".

Sarah hadn't heard him speak in french since...probably the night he got drunk at Oliver's bachelor party. Like way, way back.

They had been so drunk, they had to call her from some dive bar, because they were lost, and had no idea where the were. Sam's mind wouldn't work in english because of the amount of tequila slammers they had consumed.

Their mother was french, and their home language was french, although they attended english schools.

"Let's go see Andy?". Sarah found her smile, her own dimples making slight craters in her cheeks, it was really hard for Sam to ask her to stay, but he did.

They got back to Andy's ICU room, the small crowd down the hall occupying the row of chairs telling them that Tommy was with her.

Oliver had left and Nash would be on her way too soon, she had to pick up Leo from school. Frank, Noelle and Epstein had gone back to shift, leaving Sam alone with Sarah.

When Tommy came out of Andy's room, he looked really tired and pale. The man was taking an internal beating so bad that Sam could see the most immense sadness emanating from the man as soon as he faced them.

"Sam, can you um...I have a meeting".

Sam knew that it took a lot for Tommy to ask him to stay, and tell him that he needed to meet with his sponsor, just to make sure he had all the help he needed right now.

"I'll stay. Feel like some company?".

Tommy looked confused between Sam and Sarah, not quite understanding how Sam could come and go at the same time.

Sam turned to Sarah, "How long since you've been to one?".

"Couple weeks ago". Sarah replied honestly, but not looking ashamed. She'd been a raging alcoholic, but had stayed sober for the last eight years.

"You go to meetings?". Tommy was kind of stunned.

"Yup, still do when I feel I need to. Been sober just over eight years thanks to Sam. I sponsor too". Sarah sounded so proud when she said that, that even Sam smiled. He was so proud of her.

"So you wanna...". Tommy was glad for the shoulder to lean on, someone who knew what it was like to stand in his shoes.

"Lead the way". Sarah said before turning back to Sam. "Don't wait up" she joked as they walked away.

Sam took a moment to himself to get his head on straight before going to see Andy.

He noticed the doctor come out of her room, the doctor noticing him too.

"You're still here". The doctor said as he paused in front of Sam.

"You did good with her earlier". He added as his feet stopped moving.

But Sam didn't have a great come back, or a word to say so he kept his lips in a line.

"She trusts you".

That just about made Sam snap. He saw the fear in her eyes, the heated blaze of pain and misery and the doctor thought she trusted him.

He had watched her try and scream in pain, her memories of the accident so vividly forged in her mind that she was reliving them when she woke up.

"She's a tough cookie. But she doesn't quite know what she wants". The doctor seemed to shake his head at that statement.

Sam just glared at him, no words coming from his lips, because right now if he started he might just not stop.

"She's not fighting as hard as she could, it's like there's something bothering her, holding her back. She keeps slipping".

Sam felt the tiny amount of hope that crept its way into his heart earlier billow out on one long breath. This could not be happening.

"She's strong, and young, but there's no improvement. I'm sorry I didn't want to say it in front of her father, but I just don't think she wants to hang on anymore. There should have been some kind of change by now, but there isn't and I'm sorry to say that at this point, we've done everything we can for her. All that we can do now is keep her comfortable and wait it out".

Sam felt his legs carrying him backwards until they met the front of a chair and he sat down, trying to absorb what he was hearing.

"If there's anything you need, just have the nurses page me". The doctor slapped Sam on the shoulder and walked away, leaving him alone with his insides crying.

He leaned forwards, his elbows on his knees as his body was riddled with tremors, his stomach suddenly feeling the urge to up heave anything in it right now, while his chest clamped down in pain.

Every fiber of his being screamed in denial that this wasn't happening, while his heart knew that it was. Somewhere buried deep inside, he knew that he had been preparing himself for this moment, he just didn't want to admit it.

Shaking his head, he ran a hand over his face, and took a deep breath before getting out the chair and stepping slowly to the open doorway.

She looked so peaceful, like the world around her didn't exist.

He sprayed the disinfectant over his hands and rubbed them together. He knew his actions were more forceful than necessary, but he needed to feel something, anything.

He found the chair pushed into the corner and pulled it closer, before dropping down into it.

His eyes taking every inch of her in.

His eyes roamed over her face, the ventilator pipe still attached to her mouth. She had a tiny mark on her forehead, a skew T, probably from where she hit her head. A small laceration hung on the side of her temple, just under a purple bruise. But other than that, she was perfect.

Her forearms were bandaged, one hand had a IV, her fingertips a little paler than usual as they rested silently against the stop of the blanket. Her leg was back in suspension, a soft pink cast covering it, her toes sticking out the top in shameless view.

She would be livid now if she knew that, she hated displaying her toes.

Someone had tied her hair into a loose braid, it fell over her shoulder, tucked around the front. A loose strand of hair over her closed eye, Sam just had to swipe it away, there was no way he was going to resist.

He watched her heartbeat expectantly, waiting for that tiny fluctuation that would tell him she knew he was there.

It took a while, but it finally came.

He tried to imagine the pain she felt, her injuries so severe that even the doctor thought that she would succumb to them.

"Je sais que ça blesse, si je pouvais l'emporter loin; je le ferais".

He had no idea why he just said that, but he felt like he needed too, so he did.

His hand gently cradled hers, his thumb brushing over the back of her knuckles in an action so familiar it nearly made his strong facade crumble.

He wished that he had seen something different in her eyes, when they had woken her. He missed seeing her eyes flicker with golden specks of fire, for whatever reason.

Making up his mind, he let his eyes pinch closed, his lungs filling with a jagged breath before he let the words slip free. " Je sais qu'il est dur d'attendre. Et je veux que tu restes, mais si tu dois t'en aller; je comprendrais".

"You know that's wrong right?". A sweet voice made Sam jump. Opening his eyes, he found the nurse with the green eyes leering at him in disapproval, her face stern and her arms folded over herself.

"You're supposed to encourage her, not let her go". She added.

Sam felt like he was being scolded, her gaze penetrating right through him. He knew she was right, but deep down, he needed to say those words. He needed Andy to know that if she had to go, if it was her time, then she should go, for herself.

"I just needed her to know that".

"Sam, she wouldn't still be here if she didn't want too be. You know her well enough to know what's going on in her head, in her heart, why can't you just see it?".

The nurse using Sam's name shocked him a little, but he let it go, his mind too occupied by the right fighting the wrong inside it to pay too much attention.

"I don't, I once told her that I wished she was inside my head, but I would give anything to know what's going on in hers right now, what I could do or say...".

"She needs to hear what you want her to do, which way to go. Tell her what you want her to choose Sam. Tell her what she needs to hear, not because you want her to get better, but because you want her to know it".

Sam looked back at Andy's face, a million words spiraling to the tip of his tongue before freezing there. He glanced over the room to find the nurse gone, leaving him alone with Andy again.

What did it even matter what he wanted?

What he wanted right now was for Andy to open her eyes, and whisper his name. He wanted her pain to go away, her injuries to evaporate, them to have a long life together with him making up for his mistakes everyday.

The last time they had seen each other, she had said that she didn't care anymore, but he didn't believe it, didn't believe the forced tone she used to say the words.

He had tried, tried to tell her how he felt, what he wanted that night. How would telling her that now change anything? He wasn't even sure that she would hear him.

He was a contradiction to himself.

He was scared of saying those words, and she'd never know. Because he had already told her that if she needed to go, he would understand, so why couldn't he say what he knew she had wanted to hear forever, what he had always wanted to say but didn't know how.

Aaarrrggg, why did he have to make everything so hard and complicated when it was just so plain and simple.

The nameless nurse was right, he had nothing to loose by telling her. The doctor seemed to think that she wasn't going to make any improvement, even though he seemed so ecstatic with her stability earlier.

Holding on to her hand a little tighter, he finally decided to give in, and just tell her.

Everything.

"Andy..."

**Thanks again to the awesome Rookie Blue France Page on Facebook!**

**Translations;**

_**J'ai besoin que tu restes-**_** I need you to stay. **

_**e sais que ça blesse, si je pouvais l'emporter loin; je le ferais-**_** I know it hurts, if I could take it away, I would. **

_**Je sais qu'il est dur d'attendre. Et je veux que tu restes, mais si tu dois t'en aller; je comprendrais.-**_

_**I **_** know it's hard to hang on. And I want You to stay, but if you need to go I'll understand.**

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	5. For As Long As It Takes

**You guys are so awesome! Thanks for the amazing response to this fic!**

**Thanks to the regulars & Kelly2727, welcome to the newbies!**

**Chapter 5- For as long as it takes. **

Time was spent hanging on words and thoughts, raw emotion lingering on every uttered syllable.

Sam spent hours saying what he should have said ages ago, his words falling on ears tucked away in slumber. It felt wrong to say the things now, but a small piece of him knew he was making the right choice.

Sarah and Tommy came back hours later, they had stopped for coffee and picked Sam up some decent food on the way back from the meeting. Hospital shifts had changed and new nameless faces were present. But still no change was seen in Andy's condition. It was hard to watch, see her so quiet and still.

As the hours drifted by, Sarah ordered Sam home to sleep, his blatant refusal almost escalating into a vicious argument when he start sulking. He eventually ended on the couch, with his eyes closed, in the nurses lounge two doors down from Andy room.

But sleep eluded him, lost in surrendered thoughts, his mind wouldn't rest. Oliver had stopped by with a fresh bag of clothes, so he grabbed a shower and made his way back to Andy's room.

It was late, Sarah had left to catch some sleep at Sam's house, Tommy staying with Sam while Andy was prepped for another round of being woken up.

Andy's doctor returned to shift and would be doing the waking, Sam asking Tommy to take this round. It wasn't because he didn't want too, he just thought that maybe it would be better for Tommy considering the doctors words from earlier.

Sarah returned just as Tommy stepped into Andy's room and closed the door, all sound and visuals being cut off.

Sarah sat next to Sam, her hand holding on to his as they waited. She knew by Sam silently stepping aside to let Tommy in that things were not getting any better.

When Tommy came out, he was pale and his eyes red and watery. Sam just knew that by looking at the man that it was hard for him to go through that.

The doctor stopped by and told them that Andy was back under the anesthetic, and that her responses were looking good.

Sam remained sitting, there was no point in standing on legs that wouldn't hold him up anymore.

The next five days passed the same, Andy being woken up every twelve hours and Tommy and Sam taking turns to stand by her bedside and peer into her fretful eyes.

Her condition stayed trapped in critical, even though her injuries had started healing, she just refused to breath on her own. Twice they had switched the respirator off giving her a chance to take the reins, but both times she didn't.

Everyone had made regular runs to see Andy and bring Sam food and clean clothes. The support system they had going for him was unlike anything he had ever seen, it made him proud to be enclosed in their ranks.

Frank had stopped by yesterday and told Sam and Tommy that the driver was out of thirty-one division, and that his funeral was today.

Sam had elected to go, and so Tommy had said he would stay with Andy. Sarah didn't understand it, but Sam had explained that this is what was done.

The driver had a name, a family, and a badge, he was one of their own. And you stood by your own.

In this case, Sam was attending to show that Fifteen didn't hold a grudge or blame him, it was an accident and a life lost, with two others still here. It was out of respect.

Sarah had elected to stay with Tommy, while most of Fifteen attended, formally dressed in their blues. Nash was there, so were Frank, Noelle and Oliver.

During the funeral they learned about a man they didn't know, Sam also noticing his widow sitting sobbing in the front of the chapel, she was seven or eight months pregnant and had a strong guard of people around her.

He was going through hell, having a hard time, but seeing her, that just showed him how blatantly cruel life really was.

He skipped the wake and headed home to grab another shower after shaking so many hands, he just knew they were riddled with germs.

Two hours after he left, he was back at the hospital, his mood more relaxed now that he was back.

He had been anxious while gone, just in case something went wrong.

It was his turn tonight to stay with Andy when they woke her, the doctor informing him that they would be switching off the ventilator again to try and stalk her lungs into breathing.

Each time she had been woken, she had been scared, and slightly aggressive, like she was fighting the images of the accident as they went on automatic replay.

The nurse had even asked the doctor if they should restrain her before attempting it today, much to Sam's relief the doctor had said no.

He gave Sam a few minutes alone with her while the injections ran through her IV and into her bloodstream, her mind and body not as heavily forced to stay asleep.

Sam took the time to talk to her, something he found so suddenly easy to do that he regretted not having tried it sooner. Most of his words had consisted of_ "Just breath"_. Sometimes a _"For me" _slipping in.

When her eyes fluttered open, Sam couldn't tear his eyes away from hers.

Her dark orbs seemed less fearful, but still held so many questions.

"You're okay, just breath". Sam said as the doctor nodded indicated that he was going to decrease the ventilators air.

Her hands didn't fly up to attack the pipe today, one clenched the sheet while the other relished in Sam's hands.

Sam found a smile, something he thought he had lost, at seeing the doctor nod and smile towards him.

Andy was breathing on her own.

The doctor stepped forwards and asked Andy to blink if she understood, her eyes opening and closing in a prolonged fashion to accentuate her answer.

He asked a few more questions, each time Andy blinking to give her answer.

He had asked if her pain was manageable, the only time she didn't blink.

Usually by now, Andy was back to being comatose, but the doctor left her awake a while longer, monitoring every tiny thing about her.

Most of the time she was watching Sam, her hand holding on to his tightly for reassurance.

And he held back, missing her fingers wrapped around his when she was sleeping, they would sort of just dangle then.

All too soon, the doctor nodded towards the nurse, who gave Andy another shot in her IV, her eyes drooping even though she was fighting to stay awake. Her machines started beeping loudly, so the ventilator was switched on and gradually turned up to allow her lungs to fill as they needed to.

By the end of the session the doctor had told Sam that she had improved slightly, and that she had grown tired, the only reason he could see for her having stopped breathing again.

Daily sessions of weaning her off the machines were prescribed as well as moving her to being woken every eight hours.

Sam felt relieved, although the doctor had told him that she wasn't quite out of the woods yet.

Tommy showed the first signs of relief when Sam briefed him, a genuine happy smile scaring his face as he said goodnight and grabbed a ride home with Sarah who was returning to Sam's house for some sleep.

For the first night in week Sam let sleep claim him as he sat in a chair beside her bed, holding her hand, and whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

Days turned to weeks, Andy's condition not really improving much. After three weeks she was still being kept on the ventilator and fed through an IV and a tube they inserted into her stomach.

She had become so thin that Sam was scared to touch her, in case he broke her- literally.

She was being woken every six hours by now, short glimpses of her eyes making it worth the wait between the times.

The doctor couldn't explain why she wasn't getting better, he was totally lost as to why she stayed locked away. Her injuries had healed pretty well, the brain bleed and swelling ceasing to exist all together.

He had even gone so far as to ask Sam and Tommy what was going on in her personal life that would influence her lack of willingness to be a participant in getting better.

The point was; she didn't want too, so she wasn't.

Nick had been discharged after surgery of his own, and he seemed to be in a better place with Gail.

They would stop by every second day, or call someone that had.

It wasn't until today that Sam pieced the puzzle together.

He was stretching his legs out in the hall while the nurses gave Andy a sponge bath, his patience wearing thin and his whole demeanor just like that of a seriously annoyed bear.

He had good days and bad days, and today was a really bad day.

He wasn't mad at Andy, he was just mad at himself.

Today he was feeling more than hopeless and more than a little lost.

A patient in the room next to Andy's had died in the early morning hours.

He had no idea who, or why, or the reason, he just remembered the cries and screams as they echoed through the hallway.

He heard the woman scream repeatedly, a shiver of sadness enveloping him for a mother that lost a child, or a wife her husband, or a sister her brother, it didn't matter, the sound was indescribable. It was so sad, and so heartbreaking, that he had to go close the door that was supposed to always stay left open for emergencies.

That made him realize that he was that close to being in the same situation, and that was the most terrifying thing in existence.

Collins and Peck arrived at lunch time, bearing a bag of food and a bag of clothes Oliver had sent.

They approached with caution, Sam's pacing a sign that he was having a hard time.

Peck stopped short of reaching him and pointed down the hall before leaving, Collins closing the space between them with a jaded smile.

In that split second Sam knew what was holding Andy back. He knew why she wasn't getting better, and how she felt.

Every ounce of annoyance and frustration drained out of him as he sank down into a chair.

It was Collins.

Had always been Collins.

How he had suddenly come to this conclusion would forever remain a mystery, but just seeing Collins while he was lost in such a feeling of raw vengeance, every ounce of fog cleared the second he did what Andy did and overthought it.

She didn't know that Collins was still alive.

Collins had told him that he felt responsible because they had switched seats, and that in a moments hesitation Andy had stopped before getting back in the car, like she was offering him the chance to reclaim his seat, but he had declined and she got in.

Sam knew that they had forged a bond so close that Collins was her break-up buddy, that they were like he was with Noelle.

How had he missed this?

How had he be so inconceivably blind?

Right now, stupidity was his biggest asset.

"Be back here at seven". Sam mumbled when Collins finally walked away. Few words were said between the two when Sam's annoyance at himself returned.

Collins wanted to ask why, but kept the question to himself seeing Sam's mood shift back to the subdued Sam.

Sam wasn't about to tell Collins that he would be there for Andy's next wake up call, he knew that the stories had been circulating, and that Collins would panic into not coming.

Now he just had to wait for the doctor, so that he could tell him that Collins would be attending Andy's waking at seven so that she could see Collins for herself.

Looking at it the way he thought Andy would, he knew that she was taking the blame for something that didn't happen.

She had kept some of the blame of Jerry's death shouldered on herself, that much was clearly evident, and now she thought that Collins had died, probably because of the fact that they had switched seats.

He knew that she was, it was just her way.

Her nature.

She was so passionate, and so caring, that the feeling of being responsible for anything and everything was just in her nature.

Suddenly it felt like a small sliver of hope had lit up his insides, his heart finding a soft, slow rhythm as shivers ran through him.

For the first time in weeks, Sam felt human, felt something.

Other than the fear and terror that encased him.

He finally found himself feeling hope and anticipation, even though he was willingly giving up his chance to see Andy today because Tommy was next and Collins tonight.

But it was a trade he was happy to make, a little bit of time with her, in exchange for a lifetime of making up for his mistakes.

At seven Collins arrived, Peck right behind him. Sam had already told the doctor what he thought and the doctor had readily agreed.

Sam briefed Collins on a few key pointers, like- hold her hand and stay in her line of vision. Smile even if it's fake and do not panic. Talk to her and keep your voice steady.

All too soon, the doctor told Collins that it was time and they went in to Andy's room, the door closing as Sam said a silent prayer.

He hoped this worked.

Twenty minutes later the door opened and Collins came out, followed by the doctor, Sam jumping to his feet.

"She okay?".

Collins nodded, even though he was slightly pale, he was wearing a small smile.

"She started crying". Collins said looking away. He felt so guilty for making Andy cry just at the sight of him.

It was the best news Sam had heard in a while. If she was crying, then she was letting go of the fact that Collins was dead when he actually wasn't.

"She's still awake, and breathing on her own, want to say hi?". The doctor was smiling and Sam figured it was his way of saying thank you to Sam for figuring out why Andy was hanging back.

Sam smiled and moved towards the room that suddenly didn't seem like such a bad place.

He found Andy's eyes open and still moist, another stray tear rolling its way free when she saw him.

"Hi". Sam said leaned down to kiss her forehead. It was the first time he had with her being awake, and the invitation to do it too inviting to miss.

"You're doing really well, just keep doing it okay".

Sam was looking directly at her as he spoke, he wanted her to know that she had to keep fighting.

"I need you to do this, for me okay? For as long as it takes, I'll be here waiting".

Another tear broke free from Andy's eye, Sam's thumb moving to wipe it away.

He saw the nurse give Andy her shot, the one that would make her fall asleep in minutes.

He knew his time was up, that she wouldn't stay focused for much longer, so he did what he had been longing to do when she was awake.

He repeated three simple words against her hair, but loud enough for her to hear. He said a simple "I love you"; this time not covering it up with anything.

Andy squeezed his hand, her way of telling him that she had heard him and that she understood what he had said. Maybe it was her way of saying _'me too'. _

Sam left her room to tell Tommy how she was doing, the sound of the ventilator being switched back on echoing through the room.

Collins and Peck were still there too, the doctor talking to those closest to Andy about her condition.

As Sam stepped through the doorway, Peck asked the doctor "But is she going to be okay, will she make it?" In a voice that told him she was desperate for an answer.

"I don't know, I really can't say at this point". The doctor said, his face turning towards Tommy as he spoke. His honesty addressing his patients father for the first time.

Sam did not like the sound of that. Even though she was making the minutest of improvements, it sounded like the doctor had lost his confidence in her, or himself for helping her to heal.

Looking over the doctors shoulder he watched Peck's strong face crumble. The only time had ever seen her look like this was the night at the Penny when Nash read Jerry's wedding speech.

He didn't want to see it anymore, so he spun on his heel and walked the long hallway in search of the nearest elevator that would lead to an exit.

He found a quiet bench outside, and sat down on it.

It was cool but the fresh air was a relief.

He sat there for ages, watching people come and go, each lost in their own reason for being here.

A presence soon descended onto the bench next to him, musky aftershave telling him that it was Tommy even without looking at him.

"You really love her". Tommy broke the silence first, his eyes staring straight ahead. The words were an observation, a statement, something he said because he himself needed to hear it.

Sam nodded, Tommy would see the motion and know.

"Then don't give up on her". Tommy looked down, Sam's head doing a snappy turn to face him.

"I would never do that". Sam whispered.

Tommy had his hands in his lap, his fingers fiddling with each other.

"I know, but you're tired and you're worried and you're going through hell. I don't think she could handle it if something happened to you, or if you gave up on her".

For the first time Sam saw Tommy voicing his concerns over his daughter. This conversation wasn't about her health, it was about her heart. She had obviously told Tommy what happened with Sam, or parts of it at least, and he was worried that eventually Sam would walk away again.

"I've seen her go out with guys, and eventually they disappear, and her face would tell me that they broke her heart. But with you, it was different.

She was different. I've never seen her so alive and so in love, it was kind of hard to watch, because I knew that my time to finally let her go was just around the corner.

When you have kids, you'll understand. It's like your baby's grown up, and until that point, you've just been oblivious to the fact because you were in denial".

Sam was watching Tommy intently, hearing every word he said, but not quite getting what he was saying.

"Sam, she really loves you, more than she has anyone before. I know you two have bad history, that's why she was running, but if you're going to walk away, you need to do it now".

Okay, that just shook him to the core.

"I made that mistake once, it's not going to happen again. After that I...I um told her that I love her, and I guess it freaked her out, or scared her enough into running. But she made the right choice, I never want to hold her back. She's a good cop Tommy, and I wouldn't have held it against her if she went.

When she's awake and breathing on her own, I'm going to here. When she's off the machines and the IV comes out, I'm going to be here. I've told her, that for as long as it takes, I'm going to be here and I'm not going to do anything other that just that".

Tommy's face creased when he heard Sam say that he told Andy he loved her, it probably came as a shock to hear.

Sam had been under Tommy for a while when he was a rookie, before Tommy went to the detective rotation, and they had a good understanding, knew each other. But Sam telling his daughter that he loves her was most likely something that he had never expected.

"And what if she isn't Andy when she wakes up Sam? What if there's more damage done than they know about now? What if she's confined to a wheelchair, or talks with a stutter?"

Sam pinched his eyes closed, the underlying questions that Tommy had just voiced had been lurking in the back of his mind since this started. His only thought on that- it didn't matter.

"That's something that's crossed my mind. I've thought about it, a lot, but my decision is always the same- it doesn't matter. She's still Andy. When you love someone that much, it doesn't matter what their body looks like, or what they've become, she'll always be as I remember, my Andy".

Sam realized that he had inadvertently just referred to Andy as his, like a possession. But that wasn't how he saw her.

She was his, because she had stolen his heart, held his hand and she was the best sight to wake up too in the mornings.

He had dated in the past, had his fair share of companions, but none of them even came close to her, none of them could ever even replace her.

No-one ever would.

He had thought he had been in love a few times too, but the words always hung back and never left his lips.

Until her.

She was the first one that he had ever said it too, and the first one he had ever really and truly been irrevocably in love with.

That's how she was his.

"Look Son, I get that it's hard, and I get that you feel responsible, but we both know it was not your fault, it was an accident.

I just don't want her to get better to have her heart broken again, because I don't think that she would be able to do it again. It would crush her beyond repair.

All I'm saying is, that she might be...different when she gets better, and if that's something that scares you, or something you don't see yourself living with, it might be better to walk away now".

Tommy spoke honestly, his heartfelt words directed at Sam because it wasn't only Andy he was thinking about, it was Sam too.

"I'll take my chances, because I'm not going anywhere until she shouts and screams that she wants me to go. Even then I'm not planning on letting her have her way. I love her Tommy, and I know I hurt her, but if there is even the slightest chance that I can get her back, I'm going to do my damnedest to try".

Tommy stood up and moved to stand in front of Sam, his hand held out to shake.

Sam mirrored Tommy's movements and stood up, his hand moving to embrace Tommy's.

Tommy had been scrutinizing Sam's every feature as he spoke, listened to his every word and how his voice never wavered.

He could see that Sam loved his daughter deeply, and that he was prepared to stay around for as long as it took. The one look on Sam's face telling him that he just might be in it for the long haul, was the devotion that flickered in his eyes as he said every single word. It never dimmed, it held strong. Every second that he looked at Sam, the devotion in his eyes grew and grew.

"Let's go see Andy". Tommy said as they dropped hands and started to walk towards the entrance with a newly found understanding.

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	6. Locked Out Of Heaven

**You guys are so awesome! Thanks for the amazing response to this fic!**

**Thanks to the regulars & Kelly2727, welcome to the newbies!**

**Chapter 6- Locked out of Heaven. **

Andy was being weaned off the ventilator at more regular intervals.

She seemed to have found the fight that they had all been waiting for and was off the ventilator for up to four hours a day. But she grew tired quickly, so the breathing tubes would still be around for a while.

Andy was still being woken every six hours, and under lighter anesthetic than she had been before.

X-rays and a few MRI's had confirmed that her legs bones had knitted together nicely, and that no fragments had broken or splintered off. Her punctured lung had healed, the gaping hole from her ribs had closed, and her ribs were forming well where they were re-attached.

Her heart had stopped straining under pressure, her heartbeat stronger and steady. Her brain activity showed fantastic responses, so even the doctor had found new optimism in her making it.

Sam and Tommy still took turns with her when she was woken up, but Tommy was only there every night at seven, the rest of the time it was just Sam. His age was catching up with him, weeks of strain and up and down had made him exhausted.

He practically moved in, refusing to leave, so the doctor arranged a spare bed to be moved in to Andy's room so that Sam could get some rest too.

Frank had been by the day after Collins was Andy's wake-up partner with leave forms, Sam signed them without hesitation, without even asking questions at the 'approved indefinitely' marking the bottom of the page.

So Frank explained, even though he wasn't asked. Sam had leave time backed up, and when it looked like it might run out, everyone he knew traded a shift on for him to have one off.

He was astonished by that, never expecting more than they were already giving him, but they had volunteered to work in for him, something he would forever be grateful for.

Andy had been here for thrity-two days before the ventilator was removed, her lungs willing to breath on their own. Sam had never been so happy to see her than he was that day. He had gone to take a shower and get some food when they came to give Andy a sponge bath. When he came back, the pipes were gone.

The nurse smiled as she saw him take Andy's full face in; in appreciation. It had been fifteen days since Collins had been here to reinforce the fact that he was still alive, and she went from a little bit of breathing on her own, to solely defendant on herself.

The nurse pointed to Sam's bag and told him to get all his things, they were moving Andy to a normal medical ward, out of ICU.

He felt like his insides were about to explode from sheer happiness.

They were moved to a two bedded room, Sam nodding his thanks to Andy's doctor in the hallway as they passed each other during the move. The doctor nodded and smiled a fully fledged smile for the first time. Sam was really good for his patient, so he'd let him stick around for a while longer, even though technically, it was against hospital regulations.

But he didn't think that Sam was the kind of guy that played by the rules, stuck to the regulations.

Andy was still being lightly sedated, and woken up a few times a day, but she was dazed and confused and rarely spoke.

By day fourty-six, Sam wasn't feeling any encouragement by her condition. The doctor had stopped the anesthetic altogether, but she stayed asleep for most of the time. She just didn't want to be awake. And when she was awake, she was being sponged down or getting physio, so Sam was starting to see her lucid, less and less.

But he was sticking it out, and still refused to leave.

Andy's eyes snapped open.

For a while she was dazed and confused, dissorientated, her surroundings making her want to panic. Until a soft voice spoke in a calming tone.

It was dark, the only light seeping into the room from the open door, as it spilled into the room, shadows dancing across the light occasionally.

"I'm going to put the light on". An unfamiliar voice said, and within seconds the room basked in a soft glow.

Andy closed her eyes and opened them to find the greenest eyes she had ever seen watching her, on a face wearing the warmest of smiles.

"Do you know where you are?". The voice asked. Andy looked around, before croaking out the word 'hospital' as her voice refused to work from disuse.

"You're more coherent now. How are you feeling?".

Andy's eyes found Sam sleeping in a chair to her left, while there was a perfectly empty bed next to her on the right.

"He's been here the whole time, wouldn't leave you".

Andy didn't even look at the nurse, she kept her eyes on Sam.

And then she smiled.

The nurse handed Andy a small glass of water, her throat burning as she swallowed. She was so thirsty.

"How long have I been here?".

"Fourty-six days". The words nearly made Andy choke.

The nurse giggled a little, Andy giving her a hardened stare, her way of telling the nurse not to wake Sam up.

"He'll be out for a while. The doctor prescribed him a sedative, so I put it in his coffee".

That made Andy giggle. Sam would have a total freak out session if he knew the doctor spiked his coffee to get him to sleep.

The nurse began to run through a barrage of questions, asking everything from how Andy's pain level was to what she thought of the Maple Leafs.

She was engrossed in answering, but her eyes kept slipping over to Sam. He looked so peaceful.

She ran through memories, and recounted what she could remember, the accident, seeing her dad, and Sam and Nick.

There were a lot of fuzzy spots, but the nurse assured her that it would come back.

When the nurse was done, she switched off the light and left Andy with the instruction to get some more sleep.

But she couldn't.

Her eyes closed for a second, before they went back to searching for Sam in the dark.

It was hard to see him, but she managed to see enough to lay and just watch him, content to do nothing, but everything at the same time.

She lay there for hours lost in watching him sleep, the sun finally peeking in through the drawn blinds.

The doctor had come by and given her a once over. He seemed happy with her progress, and couldn't wait for Sam to wake up and see her. He would love to be a fly on the wall when that happened.

Andy asked if she was allowed food, a soft chuckle flowing from the doctor before he said a stern no. She was allowed small amounts of water for now and a shake of some sort.

Her face dropped into a frown, her stomach needed solid food, but as the doctor explained, her body wouldn't tolerate it just yet.

Sam still hadn't woken up by the time she had her shake for breakfast and brushed her hair and teeth using a bowl and a cup of water that the nurse brought to her at her request.

She had also asked to be helped to sit up, and was rewarded with a whole stack of new pillows and the head end of the bed being raised a little so that she wouldn't put a strain on her body.

The nurse opened the blinds just a crack and allowed the sun to filter into the room, brightening it a little more.

Andy was still a little groggy, and her body ached everywhere, but the memories of the fire she felt run through her veins were the only reminder of a more serious pain.

And Sam still slept.

She was content to just watch him, but seriously, she wanted him to look at her.

She tried to imagine what it was like for him to be here, especially for this long, but her mind couldn't grasp the concept.

She didn't even know why he was here, but she didn't mind. She wasn't ungrateful, she was just a little guarded.

When she left, when he had tried so hard to get her to stay. She left a little piece of herself behind.

Even though he didn't know that when she was walking out the door of the barn, she was walking into a UC that night, he had tried to stop her, talk to her.

Words that she had so callously used made her regret uttering them, words like, 'I don't care'. When she did, she more than cared.

Andy lay awake for hours and wondered what she could have done differently, how she could have changed how things ended, but there was never a solution. Never an answer. Never a different outcome.

And yet here he was, spending fourty-seven days next to her without any sign that he didn't want to be.

A sudden memory came to mind, he was standing over her. The lights were bright, voices everywhere. And the fire, ripped through ever inch of her. But she remembered his words, "For as long as it takes, I'll be here".

And he was still here.

But why?

Andy tried not to dwell on the sadness that enveloped her, but she couldn't help herself. It just came naturally.

Her hands were restless, fiddling with themselves in her lap. Sam had stirred a few times, let out loud sighs, but he didn't appear to be any closer to waking up than he had been three hours ago.

Until she found her eyes wondering around the room and settling on his as they watched her.

He was awake and staring at her.

She got a fright at suddenly finding his eyes open, his eyes darkening as he watched her intently. She felt her face heat up, but refused to look away and break his gaze.

His face was tense, his features schooled and kept hidden, she couldn't read a single thought or emotion from him as she watched him sit up and lean a little closer, like he was really taking the sight of her in.

Like he was drinking in every drop of her that his eyes laid claim too.

The intensity of his gaze made hers falter, and she looked away.

But he didn't.

He just mutely sat and watched her.

When Sam heard her sigh, his eyes flew open, the familiar sound slipping in under the thralls of sleep. He would know that sound even if it happened miles away.

She was frustrated.

He found her sitting up in bed, propped up against a stack of pillows, her hands idly attempting to keep each other company. Her eyes were focused on her hands, her face dipped down a little, but he could see the sadness grace her features.

He wondered what she was thinking about, what had her feeling so sad that even at the angle he was facing her, he could see her eyes glisten with unshed tears.

When she turned and he saw her face, the world stopped turning.

His heart had gone from a steady rate to an increased pace, his hands becoming sweaty.

This was it, the moment he had been waiting for, the day she would wake up.

She didn't say anything, and neither could he. His words just wouldn't come out.

She went a light shade of red, a blessing over her pale skin.

Her hands froze, their movements

Stalling at his attention focused on her.

Now that he was awake and looking at her, or maybe it was through her, she was lost. She had no idea what to say, how to act.

Sam's head dropped down, his face obscured from her vision, but just for a second. When he looked back at her, his lips had tugged up at the edges slightly, a lopsided smile just barely there.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?".

Her voice sounded strange, it cracked and sounded hoarse, but it was still the sweetest sound he had heard in a long time.

"Sorry...you're just kind of incredible".

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	7. Back Again

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**Chapter 7- Back Again. **

His words made her skin turn from a pasty pale to a deeper pink.

The color looked good on her.

But he wouldn't say sorry, wouldn't apologize for saying them, because he wasn't sorry that he had said them, and never would feel that way about them.

"Sam...". She didn't know what to say.

He didn't belong here, he should be at home or at work or somewhere... anywhere but here.

"Do you need something? Anything?".

She shook her head, before stopping abruptly. "My dad... Can I call my dad?".

Sam reached for his phone on the small cabinet next to her bed, dialed Tommy's number; and held the phone out for her to take.

She said hello the second it touched her ear, a broken dad coming out between sobs.

It was both the saddest and happiest moment Sam had ever been witness to. How it was even possible to feel that at the same time he didn't know.

Right now he didn't know much of anything actually.

He watched as Andy spoke and cried, her voice filtering through to just humming into the phone.

It was hard to watch, but it was just the best thing he had ever seen.

After a while, she said goodbye, Sam knowing that in half an hour Tommy would be here in person.

Andy held Sam's phone out to him, her lips finding themselves capable of saying a soft _'thank you'_ as she wiped stray tears away.

After that, she couldn't face him. She kept looking away, anywhere but at Sam.

Sam watched her eye the balloons that floated against the ceiling, the flowers in the far corner of the room. The neatly stacked pile of cards, the teddy bears and even the window. But never him.

"Andy...". Sam needed to start somewhere, he just didn't know how. It had been so easy when her eyes were closed, now that they were open, he was lost.

Her name on his lips sounded so broken, so guilty.

_"Don't"_. When she spoke, the word sounded forced, warning curled around it.

"What?". He seemed confused by her sudden snap into defensive mode.

"I get it okay. I'm fine. I'm okay, so you don't have too...you know, hang around".

_What the hell was she saying?_

Her voice just took over, a life of its own as it said what it wanted too.

"Andy...".

"No Sam. It's better. I'm fine, thank you, but you can go now".

She tugged the covers up under her chin, as she did her best to roll over.

Her leg was still in it's soft pink cast, so it prohibited free movement, but at least it wasn't suspended in the air anymore.

A new presence drew Sam's attention to the doorway just as he stood up to approach Andy.

Tommy was watching him, apology written on his face, his head shaking lightly telling Sam to let it go.

Sam grabbed his bag and slid it out from under the chair, looked at Andy one last time, and left.

Tommy nodded as he moved out of the doorway for Sam to leave, a silent _thanks_ mumbled as he watched Sam walk away.

Sam got home a mess. He was well rested, but emotionally- he was exhausted. He was feeling so torn between leaving Andy and staying, his words to Tommy on auto-replay through his mind.

He did some laundry and put one of Sarah's lasagna's in the oven to thaw out while he cleaned up a little. His house wasn't dirty, or untidy, he just needed a distraction.

So he decided to take a run.

An hour later he was back, unlocking his front door to the sound of silence. He had become so used to constant noise, that the quiet was eerie.

He took a shower and had some of the lasagna, then plonked down in front of the TV. He had sent Nash and Oliver each a text when he left the hospital, a large number of missed calls from them collecting on his screen. But he didn't want to talk to them. He didn't want company.

He spent the day watching TV, his mind muddled together with thoughts of where to go from here.

Long after the sun set, he climbed into bed hoping to find the peace of sleep.

But he couldn't.

Two hours of rolling around between the sheets did little to get his mind to rest.

So he gave up trying, and got up instead.

He threw on some clean clothes, grabbed his keys and phone, and hit the road before he had time to change his mind.

He found Andy sleeping when he slipped into her room.

It was late and she was probably tired after having half the planet come to see her. He saw kids drawings stuck up on the wall, most likely by Nash's kid. New arrangements of flowers filled the table in the corner, more balloons covered the roof.

He found the chair next to her bed, where he left it, looking like it was waiting for him to return.

He notice that Andy had something on the bed with her, wrapped up in her hand. Taking a closer look he saw the teddy bear that Sarah had bought her clutched in her hand. So sweetly and innocently, it was scary.

He eventually sat down, in the chair, his face angled to watch her. He found comfort in watching her, the serenity crossing her face as she was lost in sleep.

When the sun started to shimmer through the blinds, Sam finally stood up. He spent the night watching her sleep. Just sat there and watched her lips pucker or pout. Her chest rising and falling with each breath she took.

The nurse with the green eyes brought him coffee at around three am and smiled knowingly. She didn't say a word, just handed the coffee to him silently like she knew talking would wake Andy.

Now, it was time to leave, before she woke up and kicked him out again.

With one last glance at her Sam slipped out the door.

Andy woke to the smell of coffee and aftershave assaulting her senses. She groaned before opening her eyes and expecting to see Sam sitting watching her. But the room was empty.

She felt like screaming.

She knew it was stupid to kick him out, but after all; now that she was okay and awake, he wouldn't be here long would he?

She wanted him to stay, wanted him to be here, but she wanted him to _want_ it too. She didn't want him here because he felt guilty.

She had seen it written all over his face. When she woke up and looked at him, really saw him, the only thing she saw was the guilt.

When he left, her dad didn't say a word about it. He just gave her a disapproving look and then tackled her in a giant hug while she cried on his shoulder.

She knew that he knew she was crying partly from shock, and partly because she was an emotional wreck, but mostly because of Sam.

He saw the same look in her eyes when he had asked where Sam was and she told him that they broke up before telling him how it happened, way back then when she was still living it.

When Tommy stood up to leave, he took Andy's hand and smiled at her. All he said was "He's still waiting" before he left.

But those three words were enough to slice through her heart, a new wave of tears flooding over her cheeks.

The next night, Sam slid into bed promising himself that he would give Andy her space. He slept for about two hours before waking up, a mass of random thoughts clouding his mind. A little after eleven he decided to give up the war, and caved in. He was back in the chair beside her bed before midnight.

Soon it was a routine, Sam would slip into her room really late and watch her sleep before slipping out just in time to see sunrise.

He couldn't help himself.

By the fifth night, the nurse had coffee waiting for him when he arrived. She briefed him on Andy's condition and recovery and told him that she would probably be released in three or four days.

The thought was chilling, when that time was up, he wouldn't have a way to secretly watch over her while she slept.

Tonight he was tired. He finished the coffee and thanked the nurse, his chair beside Andy's bed beckoning.

Sometime during the night, he must have fallen asleep. Something startled him enough to wake him up.

Andy was restless, her hands fisting the sheets as her lips moaned an incoherent sentence.

Sam rubbed his fingertips over the back of her knuckles, something he had done a million times when she had been sedated. The action seemed to calm her, her moaning stopping almost immediately.

He pulled his hand away when she seemed calmer, and shifted back in his chair until he saw that her eyes were open.

She had woken up and was peering at him through half hooded lids as she tried to decide if she was dreaming, or if he was really here.

Her head shot up, her eyes widening as she realized that he was in fact really here, and not a figment of her dreams.

"Sam?".

She shuffled around, trying to sit up, but found it difficult. Sam had the urge to reach out and help her, but refrained with everything he had in him.

The room was fairly dark, the bright lights from the hallway the only light around them.

"Why are you here?". Andy whispered out when she finally got settled, a million excuses running through Sam's mind as he weighed up his options on how to answer that question.

"Because I can't sleep". He settled on the direct approach.

"So you sit here and watch me sleep?". The anxiety in her voice was evident.

Ever since she smelt the coffee and Sam's aftershave in the mornings, she wondered if he had been here. Once, and she would have believed that she wanted it so badly that she was imagining it, but every morning since she told him to leave; that told her that he had been here.

"Something like that". Sam's voice came out the darkness.

Andy huffed out a breath, like she didn't believe what he was saying, but she didn't say anything.

Sam felt himself cast under her spell as he looked at her, really looked at her.

She looked perfect.

The mark on her forehead, the little skew T was fading, the mark was only really visible if you looked for it because you knew it was there.

The small bruise on her temple had healed, it was only a distant memory now.

Her eyes had a dim spark in them, feint traces of the gold flecks in them occasionally visible when she looked at Sam long enough for him to see them.

But, the sadness still graced her features, an underlying distress still clinging to her soul.

"Why do you do that?". Her voice was weak, and frail, like it was on the verge of snapping completely.

She was trying to understand.

Understand what he was doing here, why he had stayed.

"Because I want too be".

His answer was simple, and honest, he was done covering everything up with crap.

He made that mistake before and paid the ultimate price- it cost him her.

He had already said everything he had ever wanted to say to her, now he just had to repeat it so that she heard it.

Sam thought he saw her lips tug up in to a feint smile, but because it was dark he wasn't sure.

"I want to be here". He added, reinforcing what he had just said a little clearer.

"But you don't have to be Sam. I didn't have the accident because of you, I didn't leave because of you".

She knew him so well, knew that the guilt she saw on his face was because of the thoughts he had. He should have known that if anyone saw the guilt and understood it, it would be her.

"Don't do this now". Sam was almost pleading, she didn't need to put herself through this now.

"Do what? I'm just saying that you need to let go of the guilt Sam".

Sam was sure that he witnessed her roll her eyes at him, her voice dripping in condensation.

She really sounded like she wanted to get into this right now.

So he rubbed his hand over his face, checked the time on his phone to find it a little after three am, and let out a long sigh.

No point in prolonging the inevitable.

So he stood up, leaned over her and switched the overhead light above her head on.

He reclaimed his seat in the chair, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands interlinked.

They moved away from each other to tug the sleeves of his long sleeve shirt up to just under his elbows, and then resumed the position he was in before he moved.

He watched her expectantly, waiting for some kind of sign, some kind of permission.

She looked uncomfortable, the room filling with strenuous awkwardness.

"Whatever it is you need to say, just say it, get it out of your system". Not the best place to start, but he had to start somewhere. So he left it up to her.

Andy flopped her head back down on to her pillow, her eyes closing as she tried to escape. But closing her eyes didn't mean that he would go away.

"I. I don't know what to say". She really had no idea.

"Then start by telling me why you don't want me here, why you won't let me in".

Sam wasn't about to give up, if she was willing to open up just a little, then so was he.

Her head was still resting on her pillow, her eyes closed, her face pointed towards the ceiling. But his request made her head turn to face him, her eyes opening.

Her mouth was opening and closing in silence. He could tell that she was overthinking it.

She eventually gave him an answer in the form of a light shake of her head, before she tried to block him out of her vision and turned her head back to face up.

She wasn't ready to do this.

Sam got back on his feet and switched the light off. He sat back down quietly.

They stayed like that, Sam watching Andy watch the back of her eyelids until he knew she was asleep again.

He left while it was still dark outside, he wasn't ready for another confrontation. She didn't need it right now.

The only satisfaction came from the simple fact that tonight she hadn't kicked him out.

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	8. Broken Hearts and Broken Bones

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**Chapter 8- Broken Hearts Hurt Worse Than Broken Bones. **

Andy expected Sam to be gone when she woke up, and he was. The smell of his aftershave still lingering faintly in the room.

Her mind was screaming at her for letting the opportunity to talk to him slip away, when he was actually ready and willing to do it.

But she was scared to say what she felt, scared to tell him that she didn't want him here today, and gone tomorrow. That he couldn't stay if it didn't mean anything.

Her breakfast shake arrived with a bowl of jello. She was allowed tea, but couldn't find it in herself to actually consume anything she was supposed to.

The nurses arrived and told her that she would be allowed to shower, a giant smile invading her face.

Traci had been by everyday since she woke up, bringing everything Andy would need from home, so she was more than ready to tackle the task.

She had been up once a day for the last three days walking. It was hard and painful, but she pushed everything out of her mind and walked as far as her body would let her.

She started with the nurses supporting her and had moved to using crutches yesterday. The nurses helped by pushing the annoying IV stand so that her hands would be free to hold the crutches.

They helped her shower and wash her hair, the feeling of cleanliness whipping around her.

Andy walked the required amount, and a whole lot more, pushing through as much as she could. The physio had helped too, Andy figured that she must have had some for a while when she was still sedated.

The doctor made his morning rounds, his face smiling as he told her that she would be allowed to go home tomorrow if she kept her lunch and dinner down.

Never before had she been happier to see mashed potato and gravy as she had been when it arrived for lunch and again for dinner.

She had visitors throughout the day, her mind kept from straying to Sam as others occupied her.

When the sky grew dark she felt herself drifting off, too tired to fight it off. But she was waiting for Sam.

She willed herself to wake up a few times during the night, each time her eyes settling on an empty chair as his presence was missing.

He wasn't coming.

When she woke up, the nurse calling her softly to tell her that breakfast had arrived, Andy bolted upright and sniffed the air.

There was no slight scent of aftershave, no aroma of coffee.

Just the smell of tea and eggs and disinfectant.

He had stayed away.

The thought saddened her, incredibly.

Sam had vowed to stay away. She was the priority now, not his selfish desire to get them to a better place.

He went to bed and tossed and turned before getting up and moving to the couch. He tried to get comfortable, watching something that he had already seen on TV.

After that, it was a sitcom that really wasn't making any sense, then it was sports highlights.

Finally the morning news came on at six am, the entire night flashing away to be lost.

He finally got up and went for a run, pushing himself to run faster and further as his feet pounded the pavements.

When he got home, he took a long shower and tried to wash away the feeling of desperation, but it didn't work.

So he gave in, got dressed and headed over to see Andy.

He couldn't hide forever. He didn't want to either.

He found Andy's bed empty and made up, his heart plunging until it hit the floor. She had gone home, and his chance of seeing her had just plummeted from a little chance to absolutely no chance.

Andy was glad to be home. She missed the way it smelled. She missed her bed. She missed... A lot of things.

Her dad had picked her up and brought her home, his unwillingness to leave evident in the way he hovered.

She was eventually able to convince him that she would be okay, and that she would call if she needed anything. Once she got a new phone. Hers had been lost in the accident.

Tommy stopped by an hour later with a new phone before leaving again. She had to be able to reach someone if she needed something. He had managed to pull some strings and got her old number reconnected, how, she didn't even want to know.

She sent a text to Traci telling her that she was at home, and asked her to thank everyone for their cards, flowers, balloons and other gifts. It took her dad three trips to the car just to get everything inside.

Finally alone, everything started to catch up to her. Emotions running high and her body screaming in revolt at the strenuous movements it endured while she climbed stairs and now paced around her condo.

Andy made her way to her bedroom and closed the curtains before sinking down on top of the covers. She was tired too, a little exertion wearing her out completely.

Sam stayed away, leaving Andy alone. He didn't call, he didn't go over and knock on her door. He just avoided rehashing anything out with her while she healed.

One night became two, then three then four.

It didn't get any easier, it just remained the same. He was hardly sleeping, his mind constantly wondering over to her.

Four days after she was released from the hospital Sam went back to work.

Someone must have said something to everyone about him and Andy because he was not flooded with question of how she was, but he was given many looks of something that resembled pity.

He ignored them, knowing that they would pass eventually.

Tommy had called him a few times, just to see how he was doing. Something that kind of really made Sam wonder.

He would have anticipated being cut out of Tommy's life now, but somehow the man was infusing himself into Sam's life.

But he never mentioned Andy, and Sam never asked

Sam knew that she would be at home for a while before she came back to work, so he knew that there was time for him to adjust.

The first time Andy saw her scars in the mirror, she cried.

She hadn't seen them at the hospital, they had been too focused on showering her to pay any attention to them.

Now home alone, and in the bathroom, in front of the mirror, she cried.

She had heard about the extent of her injuries and it seemed that even the doctor had found it a miracle that she had survived, but seeing her skin marred in such an ugly way, that just broke her.

Not because she was vain, and self conscious, but because suddenly she understood how close she came to actually dying.

The first scar she noticed ran from her neck, down between her breasts and ended an inch above her belly button. It was a thick red weld that looked like she had been gutted open and sown back together. The edges were jagged and uneven, the line curved and bent. There were three round scars that covered her ribs on her left side, the size of nickels, they too had jagged edges and uneven surfaces.

She knew she had pins in her thigh, so she knew her leg would look far from its old self when the cast came off.

She had a small skew T on her forehead, but that was barely noticeable.

The scar that ran down the centre of her body, that was the one that made her feel sick. It was hideous.

She tugged down her shirt, deciding that a shower would be better later, her legs were shaky and her balance wavering as her knees wobbled.

Traci and her dad were awesome.

They stopped by everyday, bringing her food and collecting laundry to take to the cleaners. Traci even came around and cleaned out her condo, ordering Andy to just keep her company and her foot up.

Nick had been scarce, but Gail and Dov came to see her often too, even Oliver and Noelle had popped in.

But never Sam.

He had totally severed all ties with her, making her life feel empty. But she was so relieved in some ways, that she wouldn't have to face him.

She didn't blame him, but the fact that he held blame on himself annoyed her. She also didn't have to worry about him ever seeing the scars. Scars she was ashamed to wear.

Nick came around two weeks after Andy was released from the hospital, the only time that she had really seen him.

But he couldn't look her in the eye.

He just stood outside her door, his face cast down when she opened it after he had knocked.

So she enveloped him in a hug and held on, letting him know that she was more than okay with him being here and way more than okay that he was still alive.

He made them coffee and they talked, really talked, clearing the air between them.

Nick told Andy that things were good with Gail, that she hadn't left him until he was released from the hospital.

Then he reminded her that Sam had done the same thing with her, before asking the question that she couldn't answer.

"Why won't you just let him in?".

She tried to stumble to her feet, but her cast wasn't co-operating so she ended up just sitting where she was on the couch, unable to run.

"I can't okay". Was the weak excuse she used.

"Give me one good reason why not, and I'll leave it alone". Nick challenged her, he always had. That was part of what she loved most about their friendship.

Andy lifted her shirt to reveal her scars, her face looking away to avoid seeing Nicks face contort in disgust.

_"That's_ your reason?".

When she pulled her shirt back down, she finally looked back at Nick who pulled his shirt all the way off.

He turned around and showed Andy his back and the side of his shoulder.

He had nasty scars of his own running over the top of his shoulder, wrapping around it, moving all the way down to his spinal cord over his shoulder blade.

"I've got them too Andy, but they don't change me. They don't change who I am, they just change the way I look. The emotional scars, the scars of being scared and worried, those are the ones that change you, define your edges. But those don't only happen to you, those happen to those around you too".

Nick pulled his shirt back on, his face really serious. He saw that his words had hit a nerve, but in a way he hoped that she would understand what he was saying.

Swarek had always been strong, and always kept his emotions in check. But Nick had seen what it was doing to Swarek when they didn't know if she was going to make it or not.

Even now, weeks after she had woken up and come home, Swarek was still wearing his heart on his sleeve.

Nick had seen first hand what their breakup had done to Andy, how hard she had tried to fix it, but now given the chance, she was letting it slip through her fingers because she was scarred, but she was alive. And she was scared.

"All I'm saying is, think about Sam for a minute. Think about how he stayed with you and why he did Andy. He knows more about what shape you were in than I do, he knows what to expect after what you went through. I don't think that scars would make him feel any differently".

Nick had been watching Swarek for the last week and a half, since he came back to work. The man was falling apart at the seams, but tried to keep his shit together.

"Sam and I aren't... He doesn't want to fix this Nick. You can't fix something that's not broken".

"Andy, I saw Swarek at the hospital. Trust me, he wants to fix it. Not because he thinks you're broken, but because he's broken".

_"What?_".

Nick sighed loudly and shook his head, was she really that dense or was it elective understanding?

"Swarek's always been scared to lose you. When he thought he was going to, he let you go.

I hadn't seen you yet, didn't know how you were, so I asked Gail to take me up to your room before I had my surgery.

We stopped in the doorway and heard him talking to you. Do you now what he said?".

Andy shook her head, how was she supposed to know what he said when she was comatose?

"He let you go. He told you that even though he didn't want you to go, he would understand if you did. He promised to be there for as long as it took, and he was. He begged you to stay, to start breathing on your own. Not to give up. He asked you to stay, and he waited every day for you to wake up, he never gave up on you, even though he was willing to let you go. Do you know how much it took for him to do that?".

"He told me he loves me". Andy blurted out.

"And you remember that?". Nick chuckled a little at her blushed cheeks.

"Before. When we left".

"Andy? Then why did you still leave?".

She merely shrugged, she had no idea.

"And you didn't believe him?".

"Nick, it wasn't that. It's...Broken hearts hurt worse than broken bones"

"Andy!". Nick stared at her in total disbelief. Swarek wasn't the kind of guy that walks up to you, says I love you, and walks away. Or let's you walk away.

"What? It was stupid I know, but look at me now Nick". Andy's eyes clouded with tears, Nick's heart breaking for her.

She still loved Swarek, but she didn't love herself enough to give him a chance.

"Just stop okay. There is nothing wrong with you! Don't you get it? Swarek isn't in to you because you're like G.I. Jane, or his hot secretary with a gun, it's what's inside".

Andy's lips lifted into a slight smile at Nick's words.

"Besides scars are sexy, ask Gail". The pillow that hit him in the face was enough to say that he had successfully lifted the mood.

_"Sssaaammm"_. Nash just had such a way with words when she wanted something. Her drawing his name out in sweetness told him that he was not about to like the next thing that came out of her mouth.

_"No"._ He looked up to find her standing next to his desk, her hands neatly tucked behind her back.

"Oh come on, you don't even know what it is yet".

"Don't have too". He said as he moved to stand up, his face puckered in sternness.

"It's for Andy". She said dangling keys in front of his face.

"Definitely, a No!" He tried to side step her, but she was too quick and cut him off before he could move around her.

"Sam, she needs to eat and I have a parent, teacher meeting at Leo's school, Tommy has a meeting, did you know he's sponsoring now?".

Trust her to do the winey voice to stress her point.

"Please? I know it's hard for you guys, you just need to open the door, hand over the food and leave, that's it".

Why was the universe doing this?

"No. I don't think that it's a good idea".

"Sam, she can't walk, she can't catch a cab and go to the store and come home and make dinner. She can't order in because she won't take money from any of us, so here's her keys, get her some juice too, ooohh, and some candy, and ice-cream". Nash dropped Andy's keys onto his desk with a loud clank, and walked away, mouthing a 'thank you' as she left the office.

This was really a bad idea.

But he didn't have a choice.

Sam left the barn and rushed home, grabbed a shower and opened the freezer.

Sarah had stacked it with home cooked meals when she was here, and they would be good for Andy.

A lot healthier than the junk she liked to eat.

He put most of them in a few bags and hit the road.

Ever since Andy had been home, he had run every single different possibility of their relationship through his mind to see where he could have changed things.

Every single road his mind took still ended up the same way- splitsville.

Her words from the night outside the Penny always lingered the longest, _"If you walk away, it's over"._ She had said that, and he still walked away.

Then as the lights of an oncoming car flashed in his eyes, one thought remained.

One thing he could hold against her, and she would have no way out. No excuses, no arguments, no where to run.

He finally had her, and he didn't even know it. He had her all along, but once again, his stupidity blinded him to what was right in front of his face.

Now, he just had to go and explain it to her.

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	9. Kiss & Tell

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**Chapter 9- Kiss and Tell**

The key slid into the lock and turned quietly. Sam knew that the door stuck, so he lifted it slightly while pushing it open, trying to enforce his Swarek stealth mode. He didn't want to scare her.

He slipped inside, and gently closed the door much the same way he had opened it, quietly.

He found her lounge shrouded in darkness, the only light flickering from the TV screen as it played images on mute.

He saw her head cocked to the side, resting against the back of the couch, her eyes closed and her face covered in contentment.

She was fast asleep.

On closer inspection, he found her leg up on the coffee table, a pillow under her foot and her other leg recklessly thrown over her cast.

Sam pulled the blanket off the back of the other couch and let it cover her as slowly as possible, he didn't have the heart to wake her.

Leaving her to sleep some more, he trotted into the kitchen and stacked the stash of frozen food into the freezer, while he popped one in the oven and set it to thaw out.

Andy smelled food.

It was the strangest mixture, it smelled like italian and garlic? And Sam...?

Her eyes shot open to find him watching her intently from the other side of the couch, steaming coffee in hand.

Andy bolted upright, Sam's smile invading her vision as he mumbled a soft "Hi".

Andy looked down to find the edges of the blanket that now covered her, and clutched it looking around uncomfortably.

"Nash couldn't make it". Sam said clearing up the questions she had written on her face as her nose puckered up.

Sam took it as a hint that she was hungry and immediately moved off to finish her dinner.

Within minutes Sam was back carrying a tray laden with enough food to feed an entire squadron.

Andy said a polite thank you as Sam handed her the tray, her eyes widening at the spread. There was a tall glass of juice, sliced apple and kiwi fruit, lasagna and bread sticks.

There was no way that she would ever finish it all, but she would try. It was too mouthwatering to resist at least attempting.

Her eyes whipped up to Sam, he had resumed his seat across from her, this time his eyes slipping between her and the TV.

"Did you..?". Andy's hand waved over the tray, she didn't need to say more for him to understand what she was asking.

"Nope, Sarah". Sam replied as she tucked the first bite into her mouth.

While she was eating, Sam tried not to stare, but knew it wasn't working as well as he probably hoped.

But he couldn't help himself, he needed she see how she was doing.

She looked good.

Really good, almost normal.

Andy had picked up some of the weight that she had lost while in the hospital, the shine to her hair had returned. Her skin wasn't a pasty grey, or sullen yellow, it was bright white with splotches of pink, namely over her cheeks when she looked at him.

Her eyes glowed, their dark and light flecks flickering in the light when he switched it on when fetching her dinner.

By the time she was done, she was tired. He could see it on her face when he picked up the tray and she said thank you.

As much as he wanted too, he knew he couldn't stay and talk now. She needed her rest.

Sam cleaned up the dishes and wiped the kitchen counter top before moving steadily back into the lounge, his heart stuck in his mouth as he watched her find her feet and reach out for her crutches.

She was so determined and so adamant that she would do it, that she found her feet and stumbled away before noticing Sam hovering behind her.

He hadn't seen her walk and didn't know she could, even if it was with wobbly steps.

Sam lingered in the lounge, looking at everything and seeing nothing until he heard her come back before watching her very unceremoniously find her spot back on the couch. The sight made him bite the inside of his cheek to hold back his laughter.

Andy gathered the blanket in her hand and pulled it over herself, refusing to look at Sam as she hoisted her foot back up on to the table using her hands to lift the weight.

She had more x-rays coming up, and that would determine how soon she would be rid of the hindering plastic that covered her from her toes to almost the very top of her thigh.

As soon as she was comfortable, she sought Sam out, before letting a smile fade over her lips. His expression was stressed into trying to keep a straight face, but she knew better.

"Thank you, you know, for...".

Sam nodded, he didn't need to say anything.

Andy started flipping through the TV channels, her mind focused on why this was so hard, when she wanted him to stay away.

"Need anything else?". Sam shifted around from foot to foot, looking down. If she said no, he would see his imminent departure way sooner than he was hoping for.

"Want to stay for coffee?".

Her own words took her by surprise, she had meant to say no thanks, but instead that came out.

Sam tried to hide his smile, for all of three second before letting it show. "Coffee it is" he said moving towards the kitchen.

When it was made, he handed her;her mug, appreciation on her face. He really missed her.

He was about to move away and sit in the corner, when his mind made itself up, and he sat down in front of her, on the coffee table, next to her foot.

"Can we talk?". So his mouth was running away before his brain could stop it, but he couldn't help himself. He just needed to say what he came to say, and then he needed to leave.

"Sam...". She looked like she wished the couch would swallow her as she shrank back into it.

"Okay, I'll talk, you listen? Please?".

His tone made her heart break, if that was how it was going to stay, then she wouldn't be able to listen and still do this, still keep him at arm's distance.

Before she even knew what she was doing, her head nodded as her mug met her lips.

"Do you remember anything I said to you when you were in the hospital?".

_That's it Sammy, start with the easy ones, just to find your feet._

"Some". Came her reply revealing little about what in particular she had heard.

"Like?".

"Some of it". She really wasn't about to budge on her answer.

"It's kind of hazy, but some of it I remember. I'll suddenly see a flash, and remember something". She added by way of explanation.

"And if I said I meant everything you remember?". That just didn't sound right.

"Sam...". Andy had her hand up in the hopes of stopping him, but when his hand reached out and grabbed hers, she stiffened and drew in a gasp at the contact.

But he didn't relent, he kept hold of her hand, his other one coming to wrap hers up between both of his.

Sam watched her carefully, his heart making a ragged leap in his chest at her reaction. There was a reaction, so that had to mean that she felt something, right?

"I do, I meant everything you heard, everything you remember. And more. I know what I did was unforgivable, that I wasn't just an ass, but that I destroyed the trust you had in me.

That night at the Penny? I was stupid, and I just couldn't say what I was thinking and feeling, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything, especially for hurting you, because that is something I can never take back or change, no matter how much I want too.

See, the thing is, I never actually broke up with you...no, hang on, I need to say this". Andy tried to pull her hand free, but he clutched it tighter, refusing to let her have it back.

"I didn't break up with you. You said that if I walked away, that it would be over. I walked away, but I _never_ said it was over".

Sam watched Andy's face, waiting for the splash of hot coffee he was expecting her to dump out over him.

"I needed time and space, but the thing is, I never saw us as over. I didn't say differently, because I didn't know how too, so I just kept quiet when I should have said something".

Andy's face revealed a whole heap of shock, but she held it a little guarded too.

"Andy, I was an idiot. But I never meant to hurt you. I don't see us as being over, if you do, then I want another shot to make it up to you, because...". Sam took a deep breath and held it for two seconds before letting it out and continuing his speech.

"I love you, and when I thought you were going to... I swore that if you made it out alive, in any shape, I promised to be here and I'm done breaking promises, I'm done spending nights awake because I won't wake up to you in the morning, I'm done not saying what I want, what I need and what I feel".

Sam was overloading her system.

It was too much to take in at once, her mind suddenly drawing a total blank.

Blurry images flashed in front of her eyes, Sam saying _'breath'_ and _'I love you'_ and then she saw Sam sitting across from her on the table as the image faded and still stayed at the same moment, because they were still Sam.

She shook her head to clear out the image, a tiny sob slipping free of her lips as she eventually pried her hand free of his, his hands falling idly into his lap as he began to accept that this was just one fight he would not win.

"I'm not asking for it to be the way it was, I just want a shot to make it what it can be".

Sam sounded so broken as he said his final words before standing up off the table.

"I don't need an answer now, I can wait as long as it takes, I've waited this long".

Andy saw the determination cross his face as he vowed to spend some more time waiting for her.

"You won't wait forever Sam".

Crap, had that really come out?

"Is that a promise or a dare McNally?".

Sam froze at hearing her lowly uttered words. He had no idea how she meant them.

Andy sipped on her coffee to avoid answering, Sam's eyebrows raised as he waited patiently for a response.

But she didn't have one.

He had just said that in his eyes, they weren't over, that she had spent six weeks of her life trying to connect with him for...nothing.

Sam shifted around on his feet, Andy's gaze lowered into the empty mug, even though she was still holding onto it, and still trying to sip from it.

"I...you?". Her words didn't even find their way out, never mind make any sense.

"Just think about it. Please? I want this, you. And I know that we have a long way to go, but it's worth it Andy".

Sam was still hovering, her face turning up to seek him out as new words escaped him.

But she couldn't respond.

Her mind was in absolute chaos, every legible thought long gone.

Andy leaned forwards and set her mug down on the table and slid her leg off the side before making a feeble excuse to stand up.

When she eventually did, her legs were shaky as she turned her body to face Sam, her face creased as it glowed in anger.

"You _don't_ think we broke up? You left me to spend weeks in misery? And you didn't once think to say something? Sam I was about to leave my entire life behind to run, and you don't think that maybe I would have something to say about how you saw us? I can't do this right now".

Andy made to walk away, but the action was much easier thought than actually applied.

"It wasn't like that Andy. I didn't know how to say anything. You think it wasn't hurting me too, to know that you were hurting because of me? What would you have done if I walked up and said I'm sorry, I still love you, I made a mistake?".

Andy scowled at Sam, partly because of what he had said, but the other part was because she knew he was right.

"But you're doing it now". Andy whispered before finally hobbling away.

Sam rounded the back of the couch and cut Andy's escape off when he moved in front of her, blocking her path to her bedroom.

"It's different".

That was his great argument?

"I don't want to do this now. Sam, you don't get it do you? I don't want you to be here because you feel responsible. I don't want you here if you feel you need to be here, or because you need to make it up to me. I...". Andy couldn't quite get the words out, her mouth stumbling as she hacked the most honest words of the sentence off, her eyes widening as she realized that she nearly let it all out there.

Just as she opened her mouth to back up her statement and defend herself Sam stepped closer, his eyes darkening as they flashed black.

Andy couldn't triple backwards, so she stood her ground, Sam making his presence known by stopping so close that her bare, healthy leg could feel the heat from his.

_"I. WANT. TO. BE. HERE"_. His words drew out, Andy's lip finding its way between her teeth.

He was too close, and she had nowhere to go.

"No, you don't. You feel obliged to..."

Sam was done listening to her push him away, and pull back into her shell, his sentences gaining harsher ones in reply.

So he made the erratic decision to silence her, stop her words the only way he knew how too.

He kissed them away.

Andy gasped and tried to lean back, but could only go so far without toppling over. Her hands tightened around the handles of her crutches, her knuckles turning white. Her heart rate shot to limits it had never seen, and her breath caught in her chest as Sam let his lips find hers.

Sam felt her stiffen, one of his hands seeking her hip out just to make sure she didn't fall, but really just to touch her, while the other wrapped around her neck and pulled her closer, her hair tickled the back of his knuckles as his hand found a place to rest.

She didn't move, he wasn't even sure that she was even breathing right now. And she didn't move, didn't respond, she just clammed up.

As his hands slid away from her, he made no attempt to apologize, because he would never be sorry that he had just done that.

It was all he had wanted to do since she had opened her eyes.

Andy stood stoic, her face failing to reveal anything other than a hardened stare at him from eyes blazing as they combusted.

She was furious.

Sam's hand moved up to her face and caressed her cheek, "Don't worry McNally, the next time I kiss you, you will want me too".

Sam's hand dropped as he stepped back.

Without another word, he turned and walked away, leaving Andy to stare after him until the front door closed behind him and she couldn't see him anymore.

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	10. Not Over

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**Chapter 10- Not Over. **

Shock.

Horror

Tormented thoughts.

That was all that made sense as she watched Sam close the door on his way out.

Andy hobbled meekly back to the couch and sat down before her shaky legs gave way from under her and she hit the floor.

Shaking her head, she felt the onslaught of tears rise before seeping over the edges of her eyes.

Sam huffed out a loud breath as he made it out into the street where he stopped.

_What the hell was wrong with him? _

He had one hand on his hip, the other pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration.

Just when he thought he was getting through to Andy, she locked him out, and if she didn't then he would totally just ignite the flames that caused them to crash and burn.

Pausing for a minute, or five, he let his breathing return to normal and lucid thoughts take charge before going back up the stairs that lead to her front door, his feet climbing the stairs two at a time.

This time he didn't bother with the stealth mode, he knew she was awake and he wanted her to hear him coming this time.

When the door opened, Andy jumped, she wasn't expecting anyone, least of all Sam to come back.

But there he stood, in the doorway, his tongue running over the inside of his cheek and teeth when she looked up at him over the side of the couch with wet cheeks and weeping eyes.

Sam tugged the keys out of the lock and pushed the door to close, the keys tossed carelessly onto the kitchen counter as he passed it.

Andy was shaking her head, her face turning away as she tried to hide her moment of weakness.

Sam didn't hesitate and crossed the room to her.

He sat down next to her, half turned to face her as his voice found itself lodged in his throat.

He was clueless as what to say right now.

So instead he reached out and tucked her in his arm's, his warmth spreading over her as soon as there was contact.

She hadn't made a sound since he had invaded her sanctuary uninvited, no sobs, no breaths, just silent tears.

When he tucked her head against his chest, a weak sound finally escaped her lips, the sudden drips of wetness telling him that she was crying into his shirt.

So he moved closer and held her tighter, his one hand running up and down her back in an attempt to sooth her.

"I'm so sorry" he finally mumbled into her hair before pressing a light kiss to her head.

It felt like Andy was nodding, but he wasn't sure, so he moved her away to see her face.

She slipped her arm's that had wound around him away reluctantly making Sam feel like she was trying to hold on a little longer.

"I...I'm just sorry. I didn't mean for any of it to happen that way. You just make me loose myself".

Andy was still staring at Sam teary-eyed, Sam's heart breaking at knowing he was the one that put them there.

Andy's lips moved to utter something, but Sam's fingertips moved to rest over her lips before she had the chance, her words falling away.

"Don't. Don't say anything". Sam's voice was hoarse, his tone so soft that even he found it barely recognizable.

He pulled Andy closer, making her snuggle in to him as she tried to get comfortable, her body angled to accommodate her leg.

This time Sam felt her arm's wrap around him and she held on to him in return, his heart skipping a beat in knowing that she wasn't fighting him or pulling away.

After a while, Andy was peaceful, her head in his lap, her leg thrown over the arm rest of the couch. His hand kept wrapping itself up in her hair, smoothing over the strands.

He called her name softly, her silence telling him that she had drifted off into sleep.

After a while, Sam grew tired. For the first time in forever he was willing to welcome sleep instead of finding it an intimidating threat.

After fighting the pros and cons, Sam woke Andy up by running his hand up and down her arm and softly calling her name. After a few attempts, she roused enough to swing her legs down and sit up slightly focused.

She brandished a sheepish smile.

"Sorry". She mumbled as she reached for the blanket that hung over the back of the couch.

"Bed Andy". Sam pulled the blanket out of her reach as he stood up. His other hand stretched out to help her stand up.

She took it reluctantly, Sam's face telling her that it was pointless to argue, she wouldn't win.

Once Andy had found her feet Sam let go of her hand and handed over crutches. With a simple shake of her head she declined, Sam's brows furrowed together in confusion.

Andy bent forward and took hold of Sam's hand, her face lighting up in a pink tint as she nibbled at her own lip.

It suddenly clicked in Sam's mind- she wanted him to help her. She was finally reaching out and letting him in. Even though it was a small simple action, it made Sam feel like they were taking a small step in the right direction.

He let Andy pull him closer, her arm linking through his as she took a tentative step towards her bedroom, a light yawn making her almost yelp.

Sam walked her all the way to her bed where he let her sit back when she was close enough.

It was hard to watch her struggle, but she had come a long way since the accident.

"I need to sleep". Andy suddenly blurted, her face turned to the floor.

Sam nodded absentmindedly, even though she wasn't looking at him.

Just as he took a step backwards, Andy looked up at him, "But I only sleep when you're around".

"It's late" she added after a moments silence.

Sam had no idea how to take what she was saying, so he took another step back, putting some much needed space between them.

His face must have revealed more than he intended, Andy suddenly looking away before looking up at him, looking him in the eye.

"Can you, just... Maybe stay until I fall asleep?".

She didn't wait for whatever decision he made to be murmured, she swung her legs up on to the bed, her head meeting her pillows in grace.

"Um...". Sam ..._ Sam didn't even know what Sam was. _

"You don't have too". She whispered meekly, her eyes staying closed, her head still facing upwards.

Of course he would, he didn't have too, he wanted too.

Toeing off his shoes, Sam rounded her bed to the other side before sitting down on the edge and giving her time to change her mind.

There wasn't a chair in the room that he could claim, so it would only be the bed.

She stayed quiet, but Sam could feel her eyes raking over him, the feeling making the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

When he lay down, Andy was facing the ceiling, her eyes closed, but contentment reigning over her features.

Sam mirrored her position before rolling over on to his side and facing her.

He knew she would squirm under his heated gaze, so he tucked one arm under his head and forced his eyes to close. He would much rather have them open and focused on her

After less than ten seconds of the sounds of darkness filling the room, Sam felt Andy shift around, her hand suddenly seeking his out as she wrapped her fingers around his and held on.

The rest of her stayed as was, eyes seeing the back of her eyelids, but her lips had curved up at the corners.

Neither of them said a word, or moved. They just stay wrapped up in their tiny bubble, the world outside slipping away.

Something was tickling his nose.

His eyes opened and Andy's room came in to focus.

Looking towards the window, Sam saw the edges brightly lit as the sun seeped in through the cracks in curtains.

A weight to his right drew his attention, Andy had snuggled up to him, her head on his shoulder, her hand sprayed out over his chest. He took the time to inhale her scent, it had been a while since he had been able too, and her close proximity was too tempting to avoid.

He had every intention of slipping out when she fell asleep, but slumber had gripped him so tightly that he was dead to the world. It was the first time in months that he had slept at night for more than two hours.

Andy had her head like she had always had in the past, Sam's arm wrapping around her to keep her close. His other hand moved to cover hers, the feeling of sheer completion flowing through him.

That's how he felt when she was with him- _complete. _

Something moved, and it wasn't her.

A low chuckle sounded, Andy's eyes snapping open to find Sam watching her much closer than she had imagined.

She heard sudden whispering, someone's gaze burning a hole through her.

She could just feel it.

She had her head resting on Sam's shoulder, her leg thrown over his, her hand on his chest. The movement was him, it felt like he had lifted his arm up. Like he was shrugging.

Andy's eyes swept over to the doorway, two sets of eyes meeting her gaze as she faced the smiling faces.

Crap, it was Saturday.

She couldn't help but feel the ecstasy of waking up with Sam suddenly leave her as she mumbled out a "It's not what it looks like" without thinking.

She saw her dads smile slip into a frown, Traci's eyebrows shooting up at her statement.

She just kept her eyes focused on them, not wanting to see Sam's face as she felt him tense next to her.

She had a breakfast date with her dad and Traci this morning, and had totally forgotten about it.

Now they probably thought that there was something between her and Sam when there wasn't. Not really.

Andy pulled away, all the way away.

Sam let her go, his time holding her was up, something he knew would happen.

"Sorry I...". Andy tried to push down the wave of emotions that were running through her, but she couldn't. They kept bubbling up and rising to the surface until they spilled over.

Andy was sitting on the end of the bed, her feet on the floor, her eyes tracing over her toes.

Sam huffed out a loud sigh. He really didn't expect this morning to have gone any other way.

He slid off the bed and hastily gathered his shoes before pulling them on.

He made his way over to Andy and bent down, his lips buffing the top of her head.

"It's okay. But this isn't over". Sam kissed her one more time before mumbling a taunted bye and leaving.

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	11. Scarred and Scarred

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**Chapter 11- Scarred and Scared. **

"Are you insane?". Traci was not subtle in her questioning once Tommy left after breakfast.

"Trace, it's not as easy as it sounds".

Traci had spent the better part of an hour lecturing Andy on how blind she was to the obvious. But Andy wasn't giving in.

She refused to listen to why she was making a mistake, and refused to give Sam a chance.

"Why not? He's here isn't he?".

Andy had told Traci about what had happened the night before, Traci nodding in understanding as she watched the raw emotion cross Andy's face.

"I... I can't Trace".

"Can't or won't?".

Andy whipped up the front of her shirt suddenly, revealing her scars to the only eyes to see them besides hers and Nicks.

"Doesn't look good does it?". Andy yanked down her shirt again with vengeance. She really hadn't learned to let go of the fact that she was now permanently disfigured.

"That's the reason? Oh Andy, why didn't you say something?".

Traci had no idea, Andy had managed to keep her insecurity and reservations about her marred skin well hidden. Even from her.

"Andy, what do you see when you look at me?".

"What?".

"When you look at me what do you see?".

"A strong, beautiful, determined, caring woman?". Andy knew where this was going, she was not going to win this argument.

"Exactly. And when I look at you, I see the same. Only you're stronger, and more determined and more passionate than me".

Andy was shaking her head, denial making its presence known.

"Andy, they're only skin deep. They're only on the outside. Have you told him?".

Andy's eyes filled with panic at her friends question. Traci not needing an answer to know.

"So let me get this straight. You still love Sam, and you're willing to let him in, on your own terms, but not enough to be with him? Because you're scared he'll find you unappealing, or gross or whatever?".

Andy nodded, but just briefly before Traci continued.

"That's the stupidest thing you've ever said. I'm calling Sam".

"No!". Andy practically screamed the word out, shocking both Traci and herself.

"Andy, I'm not kidding here. You need to talk to him. You've always been a talker, you wanted him to open up and talk to you, but now you won't? That's double standards McNally, and it's unfair to Sam... and you".

Traci was right, every thing she said was true.

"You're right, but how stupid will I sound when I say 'Hey Sam, I want to be with you, but I'm now hideous under my clothes'. Yup...".

"Stop. Andy, you've been through a lot. You nearly died, and I swear if you did, Sam would have followed right behind you. He won't care about the scars, not when he still has you.

Do you have any idea what he went through? He died a little bit everyday Andy, a fraction of him slipping away as he waited for you to wake up. It was killing him to be so helpless, not be able to take it away or make you wake up.

Trust me, those marks will only make him remember that you're still here".

Andy's eyes clouded over in tears, her heart was breaking, the tiny piece left tearing apart at hearing how hard it had been from Sam to watch her in the hospital.

"Ready to go?". Traci suddenly voiced. Andy had a checkup at the doctors at eleven-thirty and if they didn't leave soon, they would be late.

Sam sipped his beer, it was the first time he had been to the Penny in what felt like eons. It was also the first drink he had consumed in almost forever.

Nash suddenly appeared out of nowhere as she slipped on to the bar stool next to him, a smile passing as a greeting.

She ordered a beer for herself and a refill for Sam before paying him any attention.

"It's bad to drink alone Sam".

Sam raised an eyebrow as he set his bottle down on the bar.

She looked tired and stressed out, like the world was weighing her down.

"I'm not, you're here". Sam found a smile to show her, even though he knew it wasn't fully fledged.

"She got her cast off". Nash said, as she thanked Liam for the beers when he set them down.

Sam didn't say anything, he just let his smile widen and his dimples show slightly.

"She's just really confused". Traci said as she picked up her beer and took a really long sip.

She felt bad for attacking Andy, but she was just frustrated that Andy would give up the one thing that meant everything to her.

"Meaning?".

She knew it was easy to bait Sam, she just didn't know that it would be that easy.

"You".

That was more than enough to peek Sam's interest.

His undivided attention was now focused on her.

"She's scared Sam, scared of rejection, scared that you'll walk away again".

This wasn't news to Sam, he just didn't know why Andy was scared that he would reject her.

"Why would she be?".

"Sam, have you ever heard the saying that broken hearts hurt more than broken bones? She knows how that feels.

You broke her heart, and she hasn't quite forgiven you yet, but her hesitancy runs a little deeper than that".

Sam had never heard Nash string so many words together before, and usually he would tune whoever it was out by now, but it wasn't anyone, and it wasn't about just anyone.

"Sam, she still loves you, but she's scared because...she has these scars...".

Sam knew that she had scars, she had major surgery and was pretty banged up when she arrived at the hospital, but he had never seen them.

"She kinda feels like she's been irreparably damaged or something". Nash added as Sam stared at her vacantly.

Sam knew instantly that Andy wasn't worried about how she felt about the way she looked but rather about the way that others would find how she looked.

"She at home?". Sam said suddenly breaking the momentary silence.

Nash nodded. She had spent the whole day with Andy and had only just left after making sure Andy had eaten dinner. Leo was with Dex this weekend, so she had a whole heap of free time.

"Mind if I leave you to drink alone?". Sam said gruffly standing up off his bar stool and dropping some cash on the counter top next to his still pretty full beer.

"I'm not alone Sam". Nash said shaking her head towards Peck and Collins that occupied a table at the back. He hadn't even noticed that they were here.

Nash flashed him a smile, knowing where he was going as she fished out Andy's keys and dropped them on the bar counter.

He had given them back to her this morning when he left Andy's.

He couldn't hang on to them when they weren't his to hold on too.

Sam picked the keys up and looked at them before smiling at Nash.

It was the first genuine dimpled smile that she had seen him wear in ages, and it earned one of hers in return.

She watched as Sam left the Penny, some kind of new found bounce in his step. His head was finally held high instead of letting it hang the way it had been. He had found something in her words and allowed it to spur him on, she just hoped that Andy would be willing to listen.

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	12. Your Thorns

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**Chapter 12- Your Thorns**

Sam let himself into Andy's condo, trying to make a little noise so that she would know that someone was here.

When he stepped inside he found her a few feet from the door just standing there.

She looked lost.

Her face was contorted in pain, her breathing coming out in sharp pants and strangled gasps.

"You okay?" He asked without even bothering to close the door.

She nodded, but he could see that she was far from okay. Her hand was braced up on the wall like she was holding herself up, and she didn't have a crutch with her. Her injured leg was lifted up off the floor, her entire leg stiff.

She was obviously stuck and most likely had a severe cramp.

Sam walked over to her and scooped her up, being as gently as he could with her leg.

He carried her to her bed and set her down, before backing away, Andy's hands flying out to rub her leg. She let out a frustrated groan as she tried to bend her leg but gave up when it became too painful.

Sam remembered the front door that was still wide open, so he turned away, every intention of just going to close it.

"Sam?" She sounded panicked.

"I need to close your door". Sam smiled before walking away.

He passed the kitchen and noticed that she had set to work trying to make an attempt at making dinner.

He closed the front door before moving into the kitchen and setting out to finish what she had started. There wasn't much left to do, he just had to pop the...casserole? Into the oven.

He grabbed Andy a bottle of water and took it to her. Her hands were still frantically trying to rub and sooth her leg.

Sam set the water down next to the bed before sitting down on the edge of the bed and lifting her foot into his lap.

His hands worked meticulously, starting at her foot before working their way up her to thigh.

She winced in pain when he bent her leg a little before straightening it out again.

"What were you thinking?". She was trying too much too soon, her leg unwilling to co-operate with her need to become fully mobile.

Andy's head dipped, she was being scolded and knew it was because she was guilty of being too impatient.

"I'm tired of depending on everyone Sam". Her face looked back at him, she was upset about losing her independence.

"You haven't asked McNally, everyone's doing it because they care".

Sam didn't miss the anxiety that his words caused. She was physically healing, but she still had a way to go emotionally, and mentally.

"Andy, don't shut everyone out".

Sam's hands continued to rub up and down Andy's legs over the material of her sweat pants. He could feel the slight ridges and indentations that marred her skin under the material, but he didn't mind them.

"Everyone or you?". Andy suddenly snapped when he pressed a little too hard on a certain spot that was extremely tender and sensitive.

His hands retracted, the loss of contact making his hands tingle as he said an apologetic "Sorry".

"But mostly me, I don't want you to shut me out anymore Andy".

Andy was staring at him now, her face just void of anything until her head shook gently from side to side.

"I'm not giving up. I didn't give up when you nearly died, and I won't give up now". Sam gruffed the words out a little harsher than he intended too, but she needed to understand.

Andy had been reliving small snippets of the hospital daily. A sudden flash would appear and she'd see something, or she would suddenly just remember something that someone had said.

But mostly, the images were of Sam.

After Traci left her today, her mind had allowed a kaleidoscope of sounds and visuals to force their way to her mind even though she tried desperately to stop them. It was brought on by the visit to the doctor, memories surging freely through her.

Now he was here, and suddenly she couldn't do this.

Andy tried to pull away, but Sam wouldn't let her. He was done with her fighting to keep him locked out when he could tell that she really didn't want too.

As Nash had pointed out, she was scarred, and it was something that she managed to allow to cause fear and enough of it to make her give up.

Andy tried to shake Sam's hand off, but he allowed it to hold on a little tighter, forcing her to stay put while he shifted over the bed and moved closer.

"No, you're not running away, not this time".

Sam reached out and let his free hand settle on her ankle. She was trapped and she knew it, she had no way to pull her leg away without hurting herself.

Sam trailed his fingertips up along her leg, his hand seeking the ripples under the material, while he kept watching Andy.

When she saw his intentions, her hand relented it's hold on his and moved over to rest on top of his hand on her leg.

"Don't". She whispered, but his hand didn't stop, it kept inching its way up her leg.

Her other hand, the one clasped in his other hand attempted to break free again, but he held on to it with fingers lost in stern tenderness.

When his hand reached her knee, she visibly tensed, her jaw setting as she tried to keep herself together.

Sam stopped for just a second, just long enough for her to catch her breath, before he let his fingers glide upwards towards her hidden scars.

She was struggling to keep herself together, making Sam feel bad for doing this. But it was the only way he could think of to make her see that even though the scars were now a part of her, he didn't see her any differently.

Sam slid closer while he gave her time to catch her breath, his hand soon following its intended path as he felt the puckered ridges of her scars.

Her hand held in his was squeezing his back now, like she was trying to keep herself grounded by hanging on to him.

Her hand on top of his rested lightly and stayed still, following his hand as it trailed up.

Sam's fingers moved over her thigh, towards her hip without taking pause.

It kept going, Andy's face filled with panic when his hand rounded her hip and moved towards her stomach.

Her hand left his, flying to rest above his hand, flat on her stomach blocking his hand from moving any further.

Sam growled something out, that resembled "Damn it Andy" but even though he said the words he wasn't sure.

He was leaning over her now, a lot closer than either of them realized until Andy let out a whimper causing a flush of warm breath to fan out over his face.

But she didn't move her hand from smothering the material of her shirt down in a bid to stop his hand from finding the scares that were the worst.

She still didn't trust him enough to go there.

And he just couldn't until she was ready. But at least now she knew that he knew that they were there.

His mind sighed as he though over the complexity of their situation.

When she suddenly kissed him, totally blind siding him.

It wasn't the same as the last time he had kissed her, this one was warmer and softer but also very hesitant, like she was doubting herself or his reaction.

Sam responded by moving his hand from her stomach to her face, his hand losing itself in the feel of her flesh.

He felt Andy relax, her tension slipping away as she allowed herself to give in.

Andy's hands wrapped around his neck pulling him closer, even though getting any closer would be impossible right about now.

She was confusing and frustrating the hell out of him, but as good as the moment felt, it just didn't feel right.

Something was off, way off.

Her hand brushed through his hair before running down his neck and tracing its way to his hand that still cupped her face.

She took hold of his hand and moved it down, gently depositing it in the middle of her stomach before she let it go and pulled her own hand away, her lips breaking the kiss as soon as they had started it.

When Sam opened his eyes he found her head tilted down , her eyes glazed over.

Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. She gave him one last kiss goodbye before letting him see her scars and then she was letting him go. Or rather anticipating him letting her go.

Sam let his thumb rub up and down over the material of her shirt, before lifting the hem ever so slightly so that his hand could come to rest on her bare skin under her shirt.

Andy's stomach clenched under Sam's hand as his palm flattened against it, her hand was shivering in his when it sought it out.

Sam felt one of Andy's stray tears drop onto his hand, the warm liquid splattering out as soon as it made contact with his skin.

"The most beautiful creature". Sam whispered as his fingertips slid up in search of her marred skin.

His words made Andy look up, shock worn on her face as she allowed the words to make sense.

One of Sam's fingertips found the bottom of her scar, just above her bellybutton, as it rubbed up and down the puckered flesh drawing random patterns.

Sam let his fingertip trace all the way up, as far as her shirt would allow his hand to move without lifting it up completely.

Andy stayed stoic, and as still as she had ever been. She didn't breath, she didn't blink, only the pounding of her racing heart in her own ears told her that she was still alive.

Sam trailed his hand back down to her naval, allowing it to flatten out over her skin as her stomach muscles still clenched under his hand.

"They remind me that I still have you, that you're still here. They're your thorns".

"My what?".

Andy's voice sounded so far away, like her vocal cords weren't willing to co-operated.

"Every rose has it's thorns, these are yours. But they won't keep me away Andy, they won't ever be ugly coz they're part of you".

Andy's hand pulled away from Sam's and moved to cover her mouth to stop the tiny whimper before it escaped, but her timing was off, Sam heard it as it filled the silence that hung between them.

If there was ever anything she would remember someone saying to her, it would be that. The most beautiful description of something so true. He was right, she was trying to use them to keep him away, he just obviously didn't find the excuse good enough to deter him.

"The only thing that would make me stay away is if you tell me you don't want me here, that you don't feel what I feel. If you can look me in the eye and tell me that it's over, if you can do that, I'm gone".

There it was, he was giving her a chance to shut him out completely.

Before, everytime he had tried to and succeeded in telling her how he felt, it was always about him, and his feelings.

He had told her what he wanted, and that he thought it wasn't over, and that he wasn't letting her go. But now it was time for her to tell him her side.

Her feelings, her dreams, her desires and what she felt. What she wanted.

It had to be a two way street, he couldn't do this without her.

"Think about it". Sam added so that she would know that he didn't need an answer now, he could wait.

He'd wait forever if he had too, she just needed to know that he would.

He saw Andy nod, she understood what he was saying, she just needed time to process it all.

Sam suddenly withdrew from her, unwrapped himself and moved away.

He mumbled "Dinner", before standing up and walking out the room, he needed time to wrap his mind around the fact that he had actually let a little more of himself out there.

Andy tried to keep herself unfazed by what Sam had said, but she was failing miserably.

She flopped back on her pillows, her mind racing as it processed every single tiny detail of what he had said, what he had done before he just withdrew and gave her space.

He was like lightning, all flashy and bright in one instant, then gone in the next.

She felt like a yo-yo, but it felt good.

Really good.

For the first time in as long as she remembered, she felt whole.

And even though the heartache wasn't completely gone, it felt like it was healing.

********Thanks for reading!**

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	13. You Gave Me You

**As always, you guys are the best!**

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**Thanks to kelly2727 & the regulars!**

**Chapter 13- You Gave Me You. **

Sam slid the oven dish out of the oven and set it down. Whatever Andy had started making smelt really good.

Way better than the bags of salad or takeout she usually favored.

He grabbed a spoon out of the drawer and scooped a spoonful out from the side before blowing it and popping it into his mouth.

It was delicious.

He grabbed a plate and dished up some rice, then added a generous helping of the casserole over the plate.

He was just about to head back to Andy and make her eat, when he turned around and there she was.

She had her shoulder resting against the wall, her arms crossed over her waist, her sweatshirt sleeves tugged down over her hands.

She was fingering the material that covered her hands, she was nervous.

Sam set the plate down on the counter top, as he was about to step closer.

But Andy rendered him speechless when she pushed off the wall and took a few steps towards him, unaided by anything.

Her steps were slow and calculated, a small amount of pain flashing across her face as she looked at him. But she pushed it away and maintained her strides, however painful her leg was.

Sam counted her steps, she took twelve before stopping in front of him, her hand reaching out for the counter to brace herself as her injured leg was lifted up a little to rest.

"Looking good there McNally". Sam said, his face pulling into a fully fledged dimpled grin.

"Only coz you made me walk here". Andy grumbled out. It was the furthest she had walked without her crutches and cast off today in one go, but his face was so worth it.

She would do it again to see that smile.

"I did?"

Andy nodded, a smile tugging up at the edges of her lips.

"Totally. You can't just say all that and then walk away Sam".

Sam glanced between Andy and the plate of food, her loud sigh evident to her current frustration.

"Can we sit?". She suddenly blurted, her leg was cramping again.

Sam held out his hand instantly, Andy taking it before allowing him to help her hobble over to the couch.

She lifted her foot and set it down on the pillow on the coffee table, Sam shifting around unsure of where he should sit.

Andy patted the couch next to her, so Sam sat down. He was a little on edge, but she seemed so calm that he couldn't help let it spill over him too.

"I remember some of what you said, you know, when I was in the hospital. Everyone else filled in some of the blanks too, but I have one question, one thing I don't understand".

Andy stared straight ahead, Sam watching her. She couldn't do this if she was watching him.

"Why did you do that to yourself? Why did you sit there for

fourty-whatever days and do something that was so hard, when you didn't need too?".

There she said it, asked the one thing that had eluded her despite the fact that she had spent at least three hours a day searching for answers to that question.

"Because I wanted too. It was the only thing I could give you then. If I could have, I would have traded places with you...I just did the only thing I had left to do, I stayed".

Andy glanced wearily at Sam as he answered, his eyes not wavering from her face.

"You gave me you".

Sam nodded, basically that was the bottom line.

"It was the only thing I could give you then".

Sam hated the flood of memories that fell so freely through him, it made him remember how he felt watching her slip away. The sound of her heart stopping. The first few breaths she took on her own, and most of all, he remembered the fear in her eyes.

"I was so scared... I wasn't really aware of what was going on, but somehow I knew".

Sam reached out, his arm slipping around the back of the couch, Andy snuggling closer.

"I remember trying to ask you not to leave me, I... I wanted you to stay". She added when she was comfortable.

"It was so weird. I sort of sensed that you were there, but I was so scared that you were going to leave me, when it was the other way around".

Sam looked down at her, she had her eyes focused forwards, like she was watching what she spoke about all over again.

"I shouldn't have left".

"Nope, you made the right decision".

Andy peered up at Sam, how could he even say that?

"Andy, I never want to stop you from doing what you want to do. You wanted it, and you took it. You made the right choice".

"But I wanted you more". Andy sighed it out before realizing that she had said it out aloud.

"You've always had me McNally". Sam said the only thing he could think of that wouldn't cause her to regret saying what she had let slip out.

"Yeah?". Her voice sounded a little breathless as the word flurried out.

"Yup, from the time you slammed me into the pavement..."

"That so didn't happen like that!".

"I was there, I know you tried to jump me".

Andy let out a giggle at Sam's sense of humor, she knew he was teasing her, but also trying to lighten the mood.

"You know, I thought you looked just like an angel, when the stars cleared and there was just your face".

Andy felt her blush creep up her cheeks, he knew just how to make it appear. He was subtly hinting that she hit his head on the pavement, which she did not.

"You know, this is what I want to do, I want to be here when you need me, I want to be here because you want me here. I want the good times and the really bad ones, but only with you".

Andy let out a long sigh. Didn't it make sense to him that she wanted that too, that he was still here because she wanted him here.

"Sam, I want that too, but how long are you going to stay? How long before Guns and Gangs come looking for you again? How long...".

"I'm off rotation. I moved to the detectives rotation yesterday".

Sam let his words ring out a little louder than hers, while she spoke so that she would hear them.

She pulled away and faced Sam, a high pitched "What?" Slipping from her mouth.

"I don't want that anymore. I want to be here. I...um, I applied for Jerry's spot a few days after the accident. I had a lot of time to study for it".

"Why would you even do that?". Andy was on the verge of completely losing it as she gaped at Sam. He gave up the thing he loved the most.

"Andy...". Sam pinched his eyes closed, a ragged sigh billowing out as he thought about how to put his feelings into words.

"When I said I couldn't be a cop and be with you, I meant it. I'm overprotective, and I can't focus on anything but you. One day I'm gonna make a call, and it's going to get you hurt or worse".

So far, so good. It wasn't as hard as he thought it would be.

"But you love going under..."

"I love you more".

That made Andy's mouth snap closed from the small O it had formed, to a thin line instead.

"Sam, this is your career".

"I know, but our lives are more important. Andy I gave up UC's almost two years ago, because I don't want to do that anymore not when you're here".

"Why didn't you tell me?". Andy groaned the words out in frustration. She was mad at him for giving it up- for her.

"This is why. I didn't want you to think that you made me do it. Brennan was the last one, and before I even left Frank scrapped me from the rotation".

"That was before..."

"I know. But I knew that when I came home, there was no way I wasn't going to say something, or do something".

"But...".

Andy looked like she was having trouble wrapping her mind around everything.

"There isn't a but. Its always been you. I just always knew that it was what I wanted, the more I got to know you, the harder it was to stay away. So I left hoping that by the time I came back you would be ready for something, for more or...".

"Seriously?".

Sam nodded. He'd always felt that way and it was probably time that she knew that.

"I...don't even know what to say to that".

"I told you what I want, I want you to say yes. So when you're ready, I'll be here".

Andy peered at Sam, her mind whirling away.

Sam made to move off the couch, but Andy's hand stopped him. He nodded towards the kitchen and mumbled dinner for the second time tonight before standing up.

He came back a few minutes later with a heated plate of food and a second fork, Andy's eyes rising into her hairline as he sat next to her.

"It's really good". Sam said before taking a bite.

Sam and Andy nibbled away at the plate of food, Andy watching Sam more than she was actually eating.

He could see that her mind was over thinking the whole situation, that she was weighing up her options.

So he waited patiently for her to finish chewing and swallow before asking the one thing that had been on his mind since he had told her he loved her for the first time.

Clearing his throat to get her undivided attention, Sam watched as she focused on him before taking the plunge.

"Do you still feel anything for me?".

Sam could see that his question slammed the wind out of her, that she lost her breath, and that her heart probably stopped as her skin paled.

Her fork clanked into the plate as she dropped it, but her gaze never averted from his.

It was fair for him to ask right? He had told her how he still felt, now it was time to find out if there was anything left from her side that could be salvaged.

He cocked an eyebrow and tried to find a reassuring mask to slip over his face although it was really hard knowing that because he had thrown the question out there, he faced the possibility that she would say no.

She stared at him unable to hide her evident shock, his was just throwing it out into the air between them, nothing holding him back.

Sam watched Andy's hand retract back as she tucked it into her lap after dropping her fork. Her lips pulled into a tight line, and her eyes just kept their focus on his.

"Andy?".

She was retreating into her shell, slamming up those damned walls again, and he just wasn't going to let it happen.

Sam put the plate down on the coffee table and turned to face Andy, his fingers lightly dusting over his nose as he briefly pinched his eyes closed as he gave her a moment to pull herself together.

"I let you go when I thought you were giving up, that you were tired of fighting. But you didn't let go, you held on and you're still here". Sam started. He really had no idea how to pacify her doubts.

"You made the right choice by taking Dakota, and I know that you would have done a great job if you made it there.

Your thorns aren't an excuse anymore Andy, you can't hide behind the scars, and you can't hide behind the past.

I screwed up from day one by not telling you how I felt, and I chose the worst moment to finally tell you how I felt because I had every intention of taking that grenade out of your hands and sending you out of there.

But it hasn't changed, I still feel the same way, I am still hopeless when it comes to you, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I love you, and nothing you do or say, even if you answer my question with a no, will change that. But I just need to know, because right now I have no idea what I'm doing, no idea what you want or feel or..."

Andy suddenly nodded, vigorously, like she had to exaggerate a point.

Her hands were still clasped together in her lap, but stilled when her head moved, like it was the only thing that she was capable of doing.

"It never changed Sam, even though it felt like you ripped my heart right out of my chest, I didn't stop feeling that way".

Sam barely heard what she said, her head dropping forwards as she tried to hide her face.

Her words hurt too, because he knew that was what he had done, ripped her heart out.

"I just can't help myself". She whispered as she finally looked up at him, her eyes giving in and letting her tears streak free of their restraints.

Sam let out a long breath, one loud enough for her to hear. It told her that he had anticipated a no.

Sam reached out and tugged her hands free, one of his pulling one of hers closer.

"I wanted to hate you, I tried to hate you, but I just couldn't. It was like I didn't have it in me too". Andy's voice cracked a little as she let honesty rein free in her words.

"Like I love you too much to hate you".

Andy took a deep breath before continuing.

"I've tried to stay away too, but I can't..." Sam's fingers squeezed hers a little, it was as hard on him to hear her say the words as it was for her to say them.

"Then don't, I don't want you too. I don't want too".

Sam saw her face light up, as if his actions and words up until now hadn't fully convinced her.

Andy leaned into Sam suddenly, she was tired and just needed a moment to rest, this conversation was taking its toll on her.

"Can we stay here? Like this?". Andy mumbled against Sam's chest, his arm wrapping itself around her.

"Only if it's for a very long, long time". Sam said giving her a light squeeze.

Even though he couldn't see her face, he felt her smile just as she spoke, "I'd like that. You, me, a long, long time".

Those were the second best words Sam had ever heard her say, she was letting him in, giving him another chance, them another shot.

It didn't matter that they had a lot to work through, she still had to recover and would have months of physical therapy, or that he had to adjust to the detectives rotation while she went back on patrol.

Or that she would get frustrated and they'd argue because she was independent and he wanted to help, making up for it would make it worth while.

Or that he would get mad because she risked her life to save someone else's, when he knew the same would happen when the tables turned, because they would turn.

All that mattered now, was this one moment, the moment when she admitted that she loves him enough to let him in, even though he didn't deserve it, deserve her.

Sam smiled when Andy's head slid down his chest a little, she had fallen asleep, but on the plus side, she was letting him stay.

Right where he wanted to be.

**The End. **

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡▹**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


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